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"My community's influence on my future" -UC prompt 2

mellifluous8 1 / 1  
Nov 22, 2010   #1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Known as one of the major suburbs of Los Angeles and recently the main access of the Inland Empire, Corona is a prosperous city continuing to grow. I see the communities so impressive and breathtaking, I can imagine the success of these people had through their life. I hope that my desire to have such a luxurious future will have me working hard enough to achieve this success. While I was growing up, my worries were never about food on the table or clean water to drink from. If it weren't for my parents working so hard, this would have never could have been possible. Even though my dad didn't go to college and my mother went to college twice due to her career changes, they always did whatever they could for my brother and I to be content. Southern California is a great place to raise a family which is why parents decided to come here. Living here my whole life has taught me that I will do whatever it takes to be successful. My personal interpretation of being successful is: being where I want to be in life. Once I truly begin my life with a family and a job, I will want to give my children as much, if not more support and opportunity that my parents were able to give me.

Many people get caught up in the superficial aspects of living in Corona but in reality it's an exceptional place to raise a family and grow old. I live in a place where I feel comfortable and feel secure, this is the essence of the American Dream. Anyone that wants to live in Southern California or that does live here understands the meaning of working with persistence. When I was younger I didn't realize that people not too far from me were struggling financially. My mother would always say, "People around the world are dying for things your don't even appreciate" and I made sure not to take what I had for granted. Having a good career is necessary for living in Southern California and I happened one of the fortunate ones. The furthest thought from my head was that I was one that had life easy.

My environment has designated my goals for the future with an extensive understanding of the world around me. Right before my eyes success is being displayed and I will attain it. I am living the current dream and to accomplish it myself I will work to my highest ability.

Desilean 6 / 12  
Nov 22, 2010   #2
While I was growing up my worries were never about food on the table or clean water to drink from.
Don't forget to use commas where they are needed!:
"While i was growing up, my worries..."
OP mellifluous8 1 / 1  
Nov 23, 2010   #3
thank you!
so much i shortened it a little too

i really appreciate the comments

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