Essay #1 (Required for all applicants. Approximately 250 words) Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it.
I walk into the temple. I see men in turbans, women in their salwar kameez, a traditional modest garment, and the children playing as they all are listening to the priests sing the poetic writings of the Sikh gods. I step into this temple every week to meet the same people and listen to the same chants and realize that my Sikh community has made me the person I am today. My Sikh community is bound together through the common teachings of the ten gurus and the beliefs we share, which include honesty, defending the weak, and supporting the less fortunate.
I have sluggishly attended the numerous festivals at the temple since I was a child and now see that those festivals, those interactions, those experiences have made me a better person today. Religion was never a central priority for me, but it definitely made me a more honest person with integrity, a person who cares for others and shares with others, and most importantly, a person who helps others in need. The virtues that I have learned from Sikhism and the Sikh community have made me a person who never engages in lying, a person who stands up for the weak against acts like bullying, a person who volunteers at a the local hospital every week to help the less fortunate. Engaging in selfless acts is what Sikhs commit to. My Sikh Community and I run an annual Sikh Community Health Fair that helps uninsured civilians get medical treatment. We also organize multiple charity drives to help the less fortunate because these are the things our Sikh gods have taught us, and we are all bound together by their teachings. I am grateful to have found my lifelong place in the Sikh community.
Hey there!
There is not much here for me to suggest or change. Congrats! It is a great essay.
The only thing that I would suggest is to link your sentences together. For example, you keep on talking about how your sikh community has helped shape you and you do say why, but the extra words between the two thoughts make them seem like separate thoughts that are places together. I would try transition words:
"...my Sikh community has made me the person I am today. In fact, my Sikh community is bound together through the common teachings of the ten gurus and the beliefs we share, which include honesty, defending the weak, and supporting the less fortunate."
"...I was a child and now see that those festivals, those interactions, those experiences have made me a better person today. Although, religion was never a central priority for me, but it definitely made me a more honest person with integrity."
Hope this help!
I walk into the temple. I see men in turbans, women in their salwar kameez, a traditional modest traditional garment, and the children playing as they all(or their parents? ... not so clear whom you refer to by "they" ) are listening to the priests sing the poetic writings of the Sikh gods. I step into this temple every week to meet the same people and listen to the same chants and realize that my Sikh community has madeshaped me into the person who I am today.
