pcvrz34g 22 / 117 Nov 26, 2009 #1need to cut down. don't know if i like my conclusion. prompt is "community service. how it benefited others and yourself".I remember. Remember like it was yesterday. Just two months after my immigration to America, I was enrolled in Ms. Renner's 2nd grade class. They were learning cursive while I was learning how to curl my tongue to pronounce "r". "Go to Ms. Renner and say 'fuck you,'" my class mates insisted. I didn't understand. I raised my hand and proudly asked in front of the class what "fuck" means. I remember. I remember being humiliated and not even knowing it.In 2006, nearly seven years later, I perfected English, curling my tongue for those r's. I desperately wanted to do something to help immigrant students feel welcome when entering this land of the unknown and to do something to stop my history from repeating to others. I found an organization called Atlanta Korean American Youth Center, a nonprofit organization that serves to help Korean students in all aspects of academics, social life, and athletics. I raised awareness in the difficulty of Korean immigrated students and advocated for a student youth committee in which a Korean student from each school would represent as a leader for all Korean students. By the next winter, the committee was established. Named as the student executive committee secretary, I designed seasonal SAT classes taught my Emory and GeorgiaTech students and even planned social dance parties to promote interaction between Korean students through non-alcoholic parties.For the four years I've worked at the Youth Center, I have personally seen alcoholic students and drug-addict students become revived by the many programs that the youth center offers. But the person whom I saw the greatest change was me. I realized that there's nothing to life but to help others: to be a shoulder for someone fallen, to be a hand for someone reaching out, to be a friend for someone in need.
OP pcvrz34g 22 / 117 Nov 26, 2009 #2a lot of people are telling me to take out the first paragraph. do you guys (whoever that may be) agree?
twizzlestraw 12 / 95 Nov 26, 2009 #3Yeah definantly take that out!Listing everything you did in your second paragraph gets dull to read and is something you can put in your resume.A better strategy is to be anecdotal and deal more with answering the prompt. You only spend two sentences doing this in the end. Maybe focus on a specific thing you did and go into detail about how that affected you and others.Hope that helps!Would you mind looking over mine?Thanks!