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'without the companionship of my parents' - How my family background impacted goals

Kenneth Tan 2 / 5  
Nov 24, 2011   #1
BRIEFLY discuss how your family, school, neighborhood, and background have impacted your educational goals and aspirations. (MAX 250 WORDS)

I was raised in a family without the companionship of my parents. My father passed away when I was 12 years old. For the first 17 years of my life, I was looked after by my paternal relatives who received a monthly allowance from my mother who worked in Singapore. My relatives often ran into financial difficulty. In view of this, they grumbled that the money my mother provided was insufficient to pay for my daily expenses. Besides, the environment I lived in was surrounded by many disrespectful people. I was verbally abused by my relatives and this almost broke my heart. These depressing circumstances have motivated me to work assiduously for my future. I believe that education can bring someone to the top as it is the gateway to success. I have always dreamt of studying abroad as I believe that overseas education can well-prepare me for international challenges and competition. None of my family members has achieved this feat and therefore I want to elevate my family status.

I am fortunate that I have the chance to write this essay because I have secured a scholarship to the United States from the Malaysian government. I have been striving for the best, for my future and my family. Despite living in a broken family, that environment has never been an obstacle for me to pursue my dreams. I have confidence that the fruits of success can be tasted through my perseverance and never-give-up spirit.

(245 words)

Can someone help me read through my essay and comment on it...??
baron_2007 1 / 2  
Nov 25, 2011   #2
I think you did a great job. There are no writing or spelling errors that I found and your paper is interesting. You followed the directions and explained how your childhood, growing up with relatives that didn't have a lot of money and didn't seem to want you, affected your goals. You included all the requirements. I think you should get an A on this.
cstephanie41 3 / 11  
Nov 25, 2011   #3
Overall a pretty good essay. The only comment I have to make is that the part in the first paragraph that says "In view of this ", it kind of doesn't flow well with the rest of the sentence. I know what you're trying to say but maybe a better phrase can be used.
OP Kenneth Tan 2 / 5  
Nov 26, 2011   #4
Thanks for the comments...

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