Please Critique!! :D:D:D
Tell us what makes Stanford a good place for you.
Our world has become so competitive in the past few decades that to succeed in it, people need to take necessary risks. This is especially important in the business field. I believe that Stanford is probably one of the few school in the US that really prepares and educates students well for the modern world with it's intellectually entrepreneurial culture. I am never afraid to take necessary risks, especially when I solve math problems, and so socializing with students who also take meaningful risks, who are the entrepreneurs of tomorrow, should be easy. I hope that Stanford's unique entrepreneurial culture will also help me work in the business field, which is my dream.
Stanford is also widely known to have a vibrant, dynamic campus that has a Stanford Center for Lively Arts, and Stanford Taiko to provide the concerts that make the campus energetic. I hope to contribute to the energy on the Stanford campus by setting up ensembles with my friends, and singing with the Stanford Chamber Chorale.
Finally, and most importantly, Stanford's unique policy on freshmen housing shows that Stanford really does care about how well freshmen make their transition from high school to college. The freshmen housing policy creates an inspiring environment, in which freshmen can socialize with each other, participate in the various activities that make a true university campus. This is even more important to me, because I am an international student. I would certainly not want a deserted dormitory and campus.
I can imagine myself at Stanford, being presented with a series of math problems and experimenting and risk taking on different methods. I can imagine myself exchanging cultures with other freshmen in my dormitory. I hope that I will be able to call Stanford my home before my second semester.
Btw, thanks for all your advices! Really appreciate them! :D Happy New Year!!
I like it. I think you should end it differently though - like in a more conclusive way. That's just my opinion. Also, talk about some activities that captivate your interest at Stanford, and what you'd like to do there. Good luck.
Our world has become so competitive in the past few decades, that to succeed in it, people need to take necessary risks.
I take risks all the time, especially when I solve math problems, and so socializing with students who are the entrepreneurs of tomorrow should be easy.
The freshmen housing policy creates an inspiring environment, in which they can socialize with each other, participate in the various activities that make a true university campus.
Maybe you should mention which field of study you're interested in?
"I take risks all the time, especially when I solve math problems, and so socializing with students who are the entrepreneurs of tomorrow should be easier."
This sentence didn't seem to logically flow for me, and I would reword it if possible. I agree with the need for a better conclusion, although I know you probably have a character limit.
Also, it seems like Stanford's housing policy is your second biggest reason for wanting to go to Stanford. I might switch the second and third paragraph to put more emphasis on the campus, unless you wanted to stress your reasons in the order you currently have it.
I think you have the right idea, though, and a good basis to create a good essay.
