Hi ,Please I need help on my personal essay .English is my third language
Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve. You can type directly into the box, or you can paste text from another source. If pasting your essay creates problems with formatting, try first transferring your essay into a text editor such as Notepad (Windows) or TextEdit (Mac) before pasting into the application. (250-650 words)*
corrections include : words ,punctuations, sentences structure ,,,I appreciate your help !!
My essay:
I completed three years toward a bachelor degree in economics from back home (Algeria). In 2006, I moved to live in the United States and got married with my husband who is truly a good role model for me. While he was working full time and sometimes had two jobs, he completed his Bachelor in computer information system, as well as Master degree in business administration. His dedication to success really encouraged me to go back to school and continue my studies. After a short period, I could obtain my association degree in Arts from Washtenaw community College with high honor. During these years of College, I could form a clear vision regarding which major I want to pursue. I always wanted to specialize in any major in the medical field but, I wasn't sure about which specialty I want to focus on, until I read about the major of clinical laboratory science (Microbiology). At that time only, I told myself this is exactly what I was looking for since I am really obsessed about laboratory research and experiments, as well as the world that is under the microscope. Because the major I chose is very interesting and required professional teachers in this filed who bring their expertise into the classroom, I chose to transfer to University Of Michigan college of LSA as a first step to achieve my dream. Beside the prestige that this university offers to its students, it provides an excellent and valuable environment for students to success. My major required a lot of practical learning and hands on which I can only find them at the college of literature, science, and the Arts. Also the great internship opportunities that the college offers either here or abroad, really made me enthusiastic to join this environment and gain experience for my future career.
Hi..
Overall good essay, but try to focus on your grammar and sentence formation..and rewrite the whole essay
You can start like this...
I born and brought in Algeria. I have completed my bachelors of economics from there. I moved to U.S in 2006. I am married. My husband is a computer geek, and he also holds a master degree in business administration. Currently, he is working full time.
I completed a three years toward ayear bachelor degree in economics from back home (Algeria).in my home country, ALgeria. (I feel it is better you mentioned the university from where you got graduated rather than mentioning the country only)
In 2006, I moved to live in the United States and got married withto my husband who is truly a good role model for me. (did you get married in the US or Algeria? Why you say your husband is a good role model? What's its importance for this essay? )
