Any feedback would be amazing. I want to know if I stay on topic, and if my reasoning is specific. Thank you.
The Admissions Committee would like to learn why you are a good fit for your undergraduate school choice (College of Arts and Sciences, School of Nursing, The Wharton School, or Penn Engineering). Please tell us about specific academic, service, and/or research opportunities at the University of Pennsylvania that resonate with your background, interests, and goals. (400-650 Words)
As my time as a high school student ran out, and my time as a possible college student came closer I became perturbed of the idea of where I would go to college. I was on a search for business schools that offered a rigorous course of study and would help me improve myself. My search came to an end when I stumbled across the University of Pennsylvania's The Wharton School of Business. Without delay, I started to look into The Wharton School. Everything I read about it drew my heart closer and closer to the school. I felt like I just found my perfect match.
As I have matured I have been able to develop into a person that always looks to excel from past success. I have a drive to always give everything my best work, and to always improve from that benchmark. I see The Wharton School as the perfect school to help me on my journey. Wharton has the resources, for instance their over 225 faculty members, to help me become the leader I want to be, and help me make a difference in the world. Their curriculum will allow me to keep pushing new boundaries in the way I work and think. They are known for their intensive and challenging curriculum. There is no fun in life without a few challenges. That is what I live for; I love being able to face a challenge head on. I strive in being able to surpass that challenge. I know Wharton will be the school that will be able to compliment my personality and my future ambitions. I want to be the best in what I want to do, and I feel the Wharton will help me on that path. I have always been able to learn things more efficiently when I would work with them hands on. Wharton's internship opportunities will allow me to go out and be able to pursue my career.
Not only did Wharton's academics catch my eye, but also their community service projects. During high school I have gone through multiple hardships, and still am; like living paycheck to paycheck, trying to find ways to pay off bills, and balancing work and school. I have come to see how significant and life changing any little thing can be. This has allowed me to see how important community service can be to someone. During high school I have participated in multiple types of volunteering. I don't just want to stop, because I am going off to college. The Civic House caught my eye. This was exactly what I was looking for. Their work for the community through education and community connections is a great way to continue my volunteering even after I go to college. I want to help people who are going through difficulties in their lives, just as I have. Through my experience in community involvement I have come to a realization how important a friendly hand is. The Civic House will assist me in finding different ways of helping the community.
As a result, I have felt that I would be able to fit into the Wharton community with ease. My ambitions in academics and service can be fulfilled with the help of The Wharton School of Business.
Good stuff.
Positive: Well written , good grammar good content , good integrating your experience.
Nitpicking
"Wharton has the resources, for instance their over 225 faculty members, "
You'd be better off complimenting the quality of the faculty rather than the number
