Please look over my Stanford supplement! Be harsh as you deem necessary, but don't forget to give constructive criticism.
Thank you in advance for the feedback!
Candidates respond to all three essay topics using at least 250 words, but not exceeding the space provided (up to 2000 characters).
1. Stanford students possess intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.
At my high school, it is my job to ensure that the compost and recycling get sorted out and taken to their dumpsters; I do this because I care about and want to preserve my environment. However, some of my fellow high school students do not feel the same way. Despite my attempts to demonstrate how simple sorting and properly disposing of waste is, some students dump their bags of mixed compostables, recyclables, and garbage into whichever bin they please. They seem to value leaving the cafeteria quickly over maintaining the health of their environment.
This difference between my concern and others' disregard for environmental issues was at first shocking to me. Coming from a largely homogenous middle-class community, I didn't expect people who were otherwise so similar to think so differently about such a pressing problem. I now understand that not everybody is going to care about the same issues to the same extent as I do, so if I want to see something done I have to do it myself. This realization led to my idea to start a business that contracts composting service to municipalities for less than the cost of garbage collection service. The company would work with cities to make it easy for residents to compost while educating them about what and why to compost so they could help the company produce in-demand natural fertilizer. I have done research into this idea, learning about practices of existing firms, potential markets for both waste collection and fertilizer, and industry trends and talking with representatives from Waste Management and the City of [my city]. From this process, I have found that such a firm could succeed. The market for composting services in America is even unsaturated enough that with effective management, strong government partnerships, and proper education of residents, my company could thrive. I hope that with this business I can change the way people treat their environment. Someone has to.
2. Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate-and us-know you better.
Dear Roommate,
This is a warning. You better be prepared for me and all my weirdness.
Almost everything I say is laced with horrible, horrible puns and jokes that don't really make sense. I mean that if you say that the chocolate cake you're eating is rich, I'll ask you how much money it made last year. I can cut off the flow of what I call humor if I want to, but usually I don't. I'll make an exception for you if you need it though.
I like to learn about recent developments and historical trends in technology, economics, and politics (you'll often find my head buried in Discover Magazine, one of my three atlases, or a newspaper), and I love to talk about them. Let me tell you, we are going to have some fun discussions about how ion space engine technology can be commercially developed, what the U.S. government can do to cut its burgeoning pile of debt, and what we think is going to happen to Tesla Motors. This might seem a little bit heavy to just talk about, but trust me, it gets interesting. I actually hope we disagree a little too; that way we get to have debates, which are awesome, and we can learn a lot from each others' viewpoints.
I'm not just into the social sciences; I'm a fantasy, science fiction, and dystopia nerd too. Want to know the entire history of Essos and Westeros (from A Song of Ice and Fire, the series of A Game of Thrones), Arda (the world Tolkien created), or the First Galactic Empire (according to Isaac Asimov)? Need a new book with a disturbing view of the future? I've got you covered. And don't worry; I can turn down the nerd dial if you want me to.
Running is pretty much my life; I literally live, breath, and eat it. I walk around in short shorts a lot, whether I am about to go on a run or am just coming back from one, so prepare your eyes. There's going to be quite a few running terms flying around too, so you might want to read up on your vocabulary.
You better be ready for an interesting year. You've been warned.
Sincerely,
[my name]
3. What matters to you, and why?
I have two families: the one I was born with and the one I run with. Though the former means the world to me, the latter, my high school cross country team, means almost as much. Like my birth family, my running family sees each other every day. We do have our occasional arguments and disagreements, but in the end we all love each other like brothers.
I started down the path to becoming a part of this running family when I first attended practice in the summer before my freshman year. I was just a small, frightened kid, but I was welcome there. I quickly befriended runners of all grades; I didn't know it then, but I was beginning to forge ties of camaraderie that would last for years. As a freshman, I never would have thought that I would end up as a team captain, much less the head captain. But, due to an ability to lead, hard work, and dedication to the team, I earned a captainship as a sophomore and the head captainship as a senior. As I progressed through high school I also found myself becoming better friends with my teammates. The longer we ran together, the more we got along and the more we felt like a cohesive unit, like a true family.
I miss my fellow runners - Alex, Victor, Blair, Ryan, and Jesse among others - who have graduated and left the team. I know there soon will be a day when I must leave as well, but I'll never forget the times I've laughed, cried, and run so hard I've nearly died with my team, with my brothers, with my family.
Hi. Thanks for helping with my Cornell supp.
"At (I think "In" is more appropriate) my high school, it is my job to ensure that the compost and recycling get sorted out and taken to their dumpsters(does it means you're a member of the Nature Club? saying it as a job seems a little odd) ; I do this because I care about and want to preserve my environment.consider rephrasing into "the environment". I don't think it's suitable to the that the environment is yours) "
"However, some of my fellow high school studentspeers do not feel the same way."
"This difference between my concern and others' disregard for environmental issues was at firstinitially shocking to me. Coming from a largely homogene ous middle-class community..."
I have done research into this idea, learning about practices of existing firms, potential markets for both waste collection and fertilizer, and industry trends and talking with representatives from Waste Management and the City of [my city]. I suggest you to rewrite this sentence. Not only it's long, there are many "and"s in it.
Your first essay describes how you love the environment. Then, you developed into someone who wants to do something for the environment. Your idea flows smoothly too. However, I think you should be more personal with it. Also, try to appeal the reader's senses. Show, don't tell.
"Almost everything I say is laced with horrible, horrible puns and jokes that does n't really makes sense."(everything is singular)
"I mean that if you say that the chocolate cake you're eating is rich, I'll ask you how much money it made last year."
Let me tell you, (why not play with the curiosity of the reader by using "Guess what?") we are going to have some fun discussions..."
"ThisThese might seem a little bit heavy to just talk about, but trust me, it getsthey will get interesting."
"I'm not just into the social sciences; I'm a fantasy, science fiction, and dystopia nerd too."
"Running is pretty much my life; I literally live, breath, and eat it." love this! probably because I feel the same.
"I walk around in short shorts a lot..." well... I've never heard of long shorts
Okay. I really like your letter. I see you as a person that has a wide interest, and likes to discuss matters with others. Also, you are very lively and outgoing. You'll make a good roommate XD
"my running family sees each other every day" The family can't see itself. Try something like "The family members in my running family see each other every day
"I started down the path to becomingbecome a part of this running family..."
"I never would neverhave thought that..."
Your essay shows how much you value your "running family". It is quite moving. However, Im not sure if it's a good idea to name your friends here. I know they're important to you, but the admission officer probably wouldn't care. It's just my opinion though. All in all you did a good job.
Good luck with your application!! =)
Here's my revised version. Please give me feedback soon, I'm leaving for a family vacation tonight.
Candidates respond to all three essay topics using at least 250 words, but not exceeding the space provided (up to 2000 characters).
1. Stanford students possess intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.
As Head of Composting for my high school's Earth Service Corps, it is my job to ensure that the compost and recycling get sorted out and taken to their dumpsters; I do this because I care about and want to preserve the environment. However, some of my peers do not feel the same way. Despite my attempts to demonstrate how simple sorting and properly disposing of waste is, some students dump their bags of mixed compostables, recyclables, and garbage into whichever bin they please. They seem to value leaving the cafeteria quickly over maintaining the health of their environment.
This difference between my concern and others' disregard for environmental issues was initially a shock to me. Coming from a largely homogeneous middle-class community, I didn't expect people who were otherwise so similar to think so differently about such a pressing problem. I now understand that not everybody is going to care about the same issues to the same extent as I do, so if I want to see something done I have to do it myself. This realization led to my idea to start a business that contracts composting service to municipalities for less than the cost of garbage collection service. The company would work with cities to make it easy for residents to compost while educating them about what and why to compost so they could help the company produce in-demand natural fertilizer. I have done extensive research into this idea, reading about practices of existing firms, potential markets for both waste collection and fertilizer, and industry trends and talking with representatives from Waste Management and the City of [my city]. To my excitement, I found that such a firm could succeed. The market for composting services in America is even unsaturated enough that with effective management, strong government partnerships, and proper education of residents, my company could thrive. I hope that with this business I can change the way people treat their environment. Someone has to.
2. Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate-and us-know you better.
Dear Roommate,
This is a warning. You better be prepared for me and all my weirdness.
Almost everything I say is laced with horrible, horrible puns and jokes that don't make sense. I mean, if you say that the chocolate cake you're eating is rich, I'll ask you how much money it made last year. I can cut off the flow of what I call humor if I want to, but usually I don't. I'll make an exception for you if you need it though.
I like to learn about historical trends and recent developments in technology, politics, and economics (you'll often find my head buried in Discover Magazine, one of my three atlases, or a newspaper), and I love to talk about them. Let me tell you, we are going to have some fun discussions about how ion thruster technology can be commercially developed, what the U.S. government can do to cut its burgeoning pile of debt, and what we think is going to happen to Tesla Motors. These topics might seem a bit heavy to just talk about, but trust me, they get interesting. I actually hope we disagree a little too; that way we get to have debates, which are awesome, and we can learn a lot from each others' views.
Now I'm not just into the social sciences; I'm a fantasy, science fiction, and dystopia nerd too. Want to know the entire history of Essos and Westeros (from A Song of Ice and Fire, the series of A Game of Thrones), Arda (the world Tolkien created), or the First Galactic Empire (according to Isaac Asimov)? Need a new book with a disturbing view of the future? I've got you covered. And don't worry; I can turn down the nerd dial if you want me to.
Running is pretty much my life; I literally live, breath, and eat it. I walk around in short shorts a lot, whether I am about to go on a run or am just coming back from one, so prepare your eyes. There's going to be quite a few running terms flying around too, so you might want to read up on your vocabulary.
You better be ready for an interesting year. After all, you've been warned.
Sincerely,
[my name]
3. What matters to you, and why?
I have two families: the one I was born with and the one I run with. Though the former means the world to me, the latter, my high school cross country team, means almost as much. Like my birth family, my running family sees each other every day. We do have our occasional arguments and disagreements, but in the end we all love each other like brothers.
I started down the path to becoming a part of this running family when I first attended practice in the summer before my freshman year. I was just a small, frightened kid, but I was welcome there. I quickly befriended runners of all grades; I didn't know it then, but I was beginning to forge ties of camaraderie that would last for years. As a freshman, I never would have thought that I would end up as a team captain, much less the head captain. But, due to an ability to lead, hard work, and dedication to the team, I earned a captainship as a sophomore and the head captainship as a senior. As I progressed through high school I also found myself becoming better friends with my teammates. The longer we ran together, the more we got along and the more we felt like a cohesive unit, like a true family.
I miss my fellow runners - Alex, Victor, Blair, Ryan, and Jesse among others - who have graduated and left the team. I know there soon will be a day when I must leave as well, but I'll never forget the times I've laughed, cried, and run so hard I've nearly died with my team, with my brothers, with my family.
