ESSAY #2 Describe a recent academic challenge you have faced and how you have overcome it.
(Essay should be 600 words or Less)
So I would really love some feedback from you guys on how to improve my essay, thank you so much.!
Throughout my entire education I have faced several obstacles. The most significant academic challenge has been not having someone to guide and help me understand my academic classes. As a child born from a family with barely any high school graduates, education became tremendously difficult because although my Mom desired to help me, she did not know how. But this challenge did not keep me from accomplishing my goals. It only made them difficult, not impossible. Ever since I was in Elementary, math has always been a difficult subject for me; in elementary school, it took me weeks to understand basic division and multiplication. Even though throughout these last couple of years my math skills have improved, it's still a challenge for me to ace any math class. Last year when I took Algebra 2, I knew right away it wasn't going to be easy. The Long Division, all the graphs and the complex equations left me dazed, I had never felt so overwhelmed. Whenever I studied for the tests and quizzes I couldn't help but to feel lost in a sea of difficult notes; I knew I needed help, so from then on I made it my number one priority to attend all the after school tutoring I could; even if it meant I had to sacrifice some activities. Surprisingly, the sessions with my teacher and fellow classmates made a huge difference- my grade went up a whole letter grade, and even it wasn't an A, I was extremely proud of myself, I knew I did the best I could.
1. Your first sentence says nothing new. Everyone has faced academic challenges.
2. If they're asking for "600" words or less, they don't want 300. They want about 500.
3. "Not having someone to guide and help me understand my academic classes" is NOT a recent academic challenge. It's a long-term situation.
4. You go on to discuss "math." This is where things get a little stronger, but it's still too vague. Focus on one math class...even one math TEST if possible.
5. Your "challenge" is vague. Therefore, so is the way you "overcame" it.
There are numerous less-important usage problems here, but before even thinking about those you need to deal with JOB ONE, which is to address the question thoroughly and directly.
I should mention one more important thing---this paper is loaded with cliches. This means that, technically, lots of this isn't even your own work. I wouldn't bring it up except that I fear you're liable to do this again WHEN you rewrite your essay. Here are some examples:
did not know how
accomplishing my goals
right away
need(ed) help
number one priority
made a huge difference
proud of myself
I did the best I could
Your essay is good but you should give more example.. Go more in detail.
Regarding my comments above...
I tried to add this to my initial post, but the software wouldn't let me:
It's neither my style nor my inclination to tell a student that something is "good" when it isn't.
Still, my only intention is to help, so I hope you wouldn't never take personally any honest criticism
You are NOT your essay.
The most significant academic challenge has been not having someone to guide and help me understand my academic classes.
I feel "academic classes" does not deliver your idea properly. I guess what you need to say is that you didn't have anybody to help you with your studies, or simply school work;
The most significant academic challenge has been not having someone to guide and help understand my class lessons.As a child born from a family with barely any high school graduates, education became tremendously difficult because although my Mom desired to help me, she did not know how.
... there ar some issues with this sentence. This is the rectified one:
As a child born to a family with barely having any high school graduates, seeking help for studies had been a task impossible. Although my mom was keen to offer help she did know how to.But this challenge did not keep away me from accomplishing my goals.
It only made themthings difficult, not impossible.
Thank you so much, I don't mind constructive criticism, besides I really needed help to fix this essay! I'll be working on it this weekend to rewrite it.
