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Computer science, Admission to University of Waterloo(AIF)--educational goal


Kangyy 1 / -  
Feb 26, 2011   #1
Could anyone help me to correct grammar error or give me some suggestion to improve it? Thank you!
Q:Reasons for choosing your program and Waterloo
Please tell us about your educational goals, your interest in your chosen program(s), and your reasons for applying to the University of Waterloo. If you have applied to more than one program, please discuss your interest in each program. (900 character limit)

I like computer science as I feel its applications fulfilling. As my father is a programmer, I had many experiences to assist him in his work. I still remember how excited I felt when a line of LED shone as we designed after writing program on a Single-Chip. Those "internships" sparked my passion for computer science, for I realized its great potential to improve our life.

To become a programmer, I plan to get a master degree to get comprehensive knowledge of a more specified area. As a sound foundation of math knowledge is essential to pursue higher level of study, University of Waterloo is my ideal choice for its great emphasize on math in its curriculum. Moreover, its Co-op Program offers me precious opportunities to gain work experience. Most importantly, competing with the smartest and most diligent students is a propelling force for me to improve and challenge myself.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Feb 28, 2011   #2
I like computer science as I feel its applications fulfilling.

This sentence does not seem to mean anything. I think you should add a few words to this sentence, because it is going to represent the main theme of the essay.

As my father is a programmer, I had many experiences opportunities to assist him in his work.
Those "internships" sparked my passion for computer science, for I realized its great potential to improve our life.---very good!!!

To become a programmer, I plan to get a master degree to get comprehensive knowledge of ------- (name the more specified area). it is okay if you are not sure. Name an area of specialization that interests you.

As a sound foundation of math knowledge is essential to pursue higher level of study, University of Waterloo is my ideal choice for its great emphasize emphasis on math in its curriculum.

Great job!!


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