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'Computer Science Major'; Co-op program for student internships - Georgia Tech Short Essay


rfmoon 1 / -  
Jan 10, 2015   #1
Looking for some last minute feedback on Georgia Tech essay 1, due in 4 hours. Thanks!

Prompt: Beyond rankings, location, and athletics, why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech? 150 word limit.

Essay (147 words):

Georgia Tech boasts a prolific engineering program with world class research opportunities. However, this is not what sets it apart. Growing up, I was captivated by the mysteries of the web. This fascination fostered web development initiatives in high school, local businesses, and several software internships.

During my campus visit, I was impressed by the comprehensive Co-op program for student internships. I intend to use the partnerships with top companies to solve industry problems and conduct innovative research. I also look forward to C21U's technology driven learning. The "flipped classroom" style of learning mirrors my high school courses and appeals to me.

Coming from California's most rigorous high school, I can embrace the university's academic focus. I was impressed by the scholastic dedication of the students I met at the Clough Commons. It's a badge of honor to emerge as a "Rambling Wreck" from Georgia Tech!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 14, 2015   #2
Hi, I think I don't like the word 'boasts' in that first sentence because it has negative connotations. Maybe a different word?

Also, this sentence is confusing... "This fascination fostered web development initiatives in high..." --- can you be more specific about what you did in those contexts?

The enthusiasm you use in your writing makes a great feeling in the reader, I think. Great job with this... my suggestion is to try to add a comparison with a few other schools.. set it apart by showing the reader that it actually will make a difference for you in your process if you are able to attend this school rather than a different one. If the reader knows this truly is the school you want because of it's specific attributes that enable you to achieve your short-term goals.. that is the key. They will want to give you an opportunity.


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