Prompt: A Typical student at Johns Hopkins spends less than 15 hours each week in a classroom, leaving lots of time for volunteer opportunities, clubs and organizations, athletics, social events, and other on- and off-campus activities. Aside from the academic interests you've already expressed, in what activities do you plan to engage as an undergraduate at Johns Hopkins?
JHU will enrich my university life with its diverse opportunities for student activities. I look forward to being a part of active clubs there and meeting new friends from different cultures, thus widening my view of the world.
Besides my academic interest, computer science, I am a great fan of movies and beatboxing. I have been in movie clubs since my middle school years, watching and discussing a wide range of films. I also made a short video clip for a competition with my friend, whose dream is to become a film director. To pursue my passion, I will participate in a club and engage myself more in movies.
It was 2004 when I saw an exhilarating beatboxing performance on the commercial. Deeply inspired I practiced beatboxing by watching video lessons on the Internet. My lips were chapped and Mom scolded me for noise. I eventually mastered the basic sounds of each instrument, and I still perform it for my friends. When I enter JHU, I will make a "human beatboxing" club. With my crew, I will show my talent in front of a large audience and participate in many contests. With a variety of JHU's student activities, I cannot wait to have fertile university life at JHU.
Please check my grammar and content. Thanks in advance.
Hi there! I think it's great that you have interests outside of the classroom. I'm sure JHU would really like that :)
The problem is, this may be a little dry.
In the second paragraph, you repeat the word "movie" very often. I suggest reading your piece out loud to find where you want to keep and where you want to remove the word "movie." :)
Here are some grammatical things I caught:
"JHU will enrich my university life with its diverse opportunities for student activities. I look forward to being a part of active clubs there and meeting new friends from different cultures, thus widening my view towardsof the world.
Besides my academic interest, computer science, I am a great fan of music and movies . I have always been in movie clubs since my middle school years, watching and discussing a wide range of movies. I also made a short movie clip with my friend, whose dream is to become a movie director and wonwin a competition. To pursue my passion for movies, I will participate in a movie club and engage myself more in movies. I will have more time to learn about behind or beyond a particular movie such as a background and a motivation. <--- I'm not too sure what you're trying to say here.
I love music.but My taste in music is not in Beethoven or Mozart classical musicsince we all know what you mean here, you should either delete "classical" and delete "Beethoven or Mozart" or vice versa. JustInstead, pop songs are my favorite. I not only listen to songs but sing.I do not just listen to songs; I also sing. I frequently go to(<-- a little awkward here) karaoke with friends. Because I am not a good singer (<---you maaay not want to say this), I will try hard to be good enough to join singing clubs in the university. Then I hope to produce my own album with a club team, even if it will not be sold much (again, focus on your dreams of succeeding in what you do). With a variety of JHU's student activities, I cannot wait to have fertile university life at JHU."
I really hope this helps!
These are just suggestions. You definitely don't have to take them all into consideration.
Best of luck!
Thanks for the advice, and I edited it based on you comment. I cut the music part and replaced it with the other.
I will focus on content: You have to be wayyyyy more specific. What clubs are you going to be active in? What movie club? You need to do some research and put it in your essay.
This is an era of specialization. The reader will know how committed you are to your endeavor if a few of the extracurricular activities you have in mind are related to comp sci. Strategically, I would want to make it so that this essay includes several activities related to comp sci, because that will show the reader that you are very passionate and single-minded about achieving your goal. I know this is supposed to be about other activities, but if you can include some more that are RELATED to comp sci it will be even more impressive!
(Beatboxing is something the reader might not be familiar with or able to appreciate.) However, the fact that you have an idea to start a club is impressive!! I wonder, though, if there is any kind of beatboxing that is not "human beatboxing." Do other animals beatbox?
:-)
