The first sentence is an unnecessary introduction. You do not need to enter with an empty sentence. The first sentence should always push the essay forward with a specific response. This sentence is really a throw away, The presentation in stronger without it.
I also hope to one day start my own entrepreneurship with Waterloo's Velocity program
This is the educational goal. It needs to be specific and clear. Revise the early part of the essay or, even better, come up witha new version that will show the reader a detailed study plan that will result in a specific career goal.
I believe that... fulfilling these aspirations.
Here lies the bigger problem. The aspirations ve not really clear in the essay. There was no proper academic aspiration, in relation to a first career goal indicated. This is another reason why you might do better writing a new essay instead.