Your essay is good, just some few suggestion and tips. And I think you kinda repeat the word "the world" more than it needs to. Otherwise great job.
Ward of New Orleans
, (no comma) five years after Hurricane Katrina, all I could see were empty lots and cement steps to houses that were no longer initially there.
still marked with
an enormous "X's "given by the search and rescue teams
will admit that for the greater part of my high school career, I cared little about anything more than what was happening immediately around me.
--> Or you can say "I only care about local issues" to clarify the sentence
go to school every day. I
make friends and
I saw the tragedy of the
Lower Ninth Ward and I realized how limited my service works
...occur throughout the world;
they require actions from people around the world in order to
be overcomereach the solution
the world no longer seemed like some foreign place apart from
my own home
my own concernsmine
It became apparent that the issues I had learned about in the course of American history, such as civil rights and equality, had affected millions of people world-wide today.
(this part I'm not sure
t is each person's duty to not only benefit one's self, but also,
if not especially so, benefit those one will never meetothers (or strangers) as well .
To do so would be to fulfill both religious and moral expectations, as well as the desire to aid
in the progression of humanity and society as a whole
With this belief in mind, I traveled to Peru to work with the poor there
I built a real home for a family that had never had one and changed that family's life as I did so.
--> I helped improving a family's lifestyle by building them a real home.
In my service work for the betterment of those that live apart from my own community
and around the world
This is just my suggestion: I was no longer the kid simply working in school and playing with friends.--> I was no longer the boy who simply went through the motion, but the man...