Your essay is good, just some few suggestion and tips. And I think you kinda repeat the word "the world" more than it needs to. Otherwise great job.
Ward of New Orleans, (no comma) five years after Hurricane Katrina, all I could see were empty lots and cement steps to houses that were no longer initially there.
still marked with an enormous "X's "given by the search and rescue teams
I will admit that for the greater part of my high school career, I cared little about anything more than what was happening immediately around me.
--> Or you can say "I only care about local issues" to clarify the sentence
I
was going go to school every day. I
was making make friends and
having have fun
I saw the tragedy of
the Lower Ninth Ward and I realized how limited my service work
s had been
...occur throughout the world
;and that they require actions from people around the world in order to
be overcomereach the solution .
the world no longer seemed like some foreign place apart
from my own home
they
have became
my own concernsmine as well
It became apparent that the issues I had learned about in the course of American history, such as civil rights and equality, had affected millions of people world-wide today.
(
this part I'm not sure )
t is each person's duty to not only benefit one's self, but also,if not especially so, benefit those one will never meetothers (or strangers) as well .
To do so would be to fulfill both religious and moral expectations, as well as the desire to aid in the progression of humanity and society as a whole
With this belief in mind, I traveled to Peru to work with the poor there
I built a real home for a family that had never had one and changed that family's life as I did so.
--> I helped improving a family's lifestyle by building them a real home.
In my service work for the betterment of those that live apart from my own community and around the world
This is just my suggestion: I was no longer the kid simply working in school and playing with friends.--> I was no longer the boy who simply went through the motion, but the man...