Can you help me revise and supply tips on how I can condense my UC personal statement? The prompt is : Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Here's my essay:From Stage to Stage
As my dreaded piano teacher arrived at my house and sat down on the black bench next to me, I asked her something she had never heard from previous students before. Standing away from the piano, I ordered her to play music as I began to leap and twirl around my living room. Shocked, the teacher chuckled and obeyed those commands while her five year old student put on a dance performance. At the age of five, dance was infused into my body. It is difficult to choose which aspect of the dance was most attractive to me, whether it was the sequined tutus or the perfect pirouettes, I had the desire to join them on stage under the limelight. Adamant about this desire at six years old, I wholeheartedly walked into my ballet studio. From that moment, the definition of dance was twice a week classes, dancing with friends, and performing in itchy tutus.
The training became more physically demanding and critical as I matured into my adolescence. Watching principal dancers perform, I was absolutely in awe and strived to one day reach their position. The journey from the young ballerina to a principal dancer constantly caused myself to doubt my abilities and dreams. Over eleven years, I have lost many friends to the harsh and gruesome training of ballet. I have seen girls give up, lose interest, and fail to live up to their full potential. There were many times when I nearly fell into those negative traps myself.
Body image is a necessity for dancers and as a petite girl lacking a perfect ballerina physique, self-consciousness led to jealousy and discouragement. Many girls with advantageous bodies did not need to try but could lift their arabesque above mine. Unjust as it was, I worked twice as hard and pushed myself to exceed the stereotype of my dancers. Imfprovement was the best reward and I began to compare how much higher my grand battements were from my own yesterday rather to my fellow ballerinas at the barre. Continuing down the path to my destination, I was accompanied by a smaller number of persevering girls. The finish line was near as dedicated more time to strive to be the best.
Out of 350 dancers, I blossomed into a principal dancer at my studio. With self- confidence and the ability to remain positive from innumerable competitions, I gained the opportunity of my life.
Just at the perfect moment in my dance career, I received the opportunity to perform the Don Quixote Pas de Deux with a professional in Shanghai, China. From our studio's tiny stage, I leaped into the world's stage along with my studio. Performing a main role, I was given responsibilities to lead our studio to success. Performing with professional dancers allowed me realize how out different recreational background affect our performance. Professionals eat, breathe, and live dance; for me dance is an extension to my education. The breath of fresh air that the audience receives from my studio is charming and exciting because we input all of our energy into the once in a lifetime moment onstage. The day of the performance, I gracefully walk onstage and executed 32 fouettés during the coda of Don Quixote. The encouragement I heard from the audience's applause showed me that although the audience members and I might have cultural differences, the dance remains the same. By escaping a familiar contained environment gracing the stage of another country allowed me to gather a fresh view on the power of dance and how my passion can unite people together for an hour of dancing.
As I execute a grand jeté into a new stage in my life, dance will lead the way and my pointe shoes will construct a road full of new stages to grace and stories to tell.
Thank you for your time!!!
"The journey from the young ballerina to a principal dancer constantly caused me to doubt my abilities and dreams"
"The finish line was near as I dedicated more time to strive to be the best"
"Performing with professional dancers allowed me realize how our different recreational backgroundsaffected our performance"
"Just at the perfect moment in my dance career, I received the opportunity to perform the Don Quixote Pas de Deux with a professional in Shanghai, China." - Go over this paragraph, I just posted the first sentence here. It is a little confusing and the tenses change a couple times.
"As I execute a grand jeté into a new stage in my life, dance will lead the way and my pointe shoes will construct a road full of new stages to grace and stories to tell." - I don't know anything about dance, so maybe "pointe" is right. If not, there you go.
I hope this helps!
