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My conductor has been a great influence in my life; Person who had an influence on me


tadajiaen 1 / -  
Mar 10, 2014   #1
Describe a person who has had an influence on you, and share with us why and/or how the person has influenced you.

My conductor has been a great influence in my life. He has round bright eyes and bat-like ears that catch every mistake made. He is a renowned and accomplished conductor. He is strict on every member of the band and expects the best in every performance.

I was not a good player, my senior left and there was no one to guide me. I was not confident and was afraid to play. I couldn't hide forever, I was being reprimanded frequently and at times being sent out of the room. 'Get out! You're ruining everyone's effort with your horrible playing!' Those words pierce through me, urging me to quit and escape.

Learning an instrument takes time and patience. Although he was harsh on me, but I know he was trying to push my limits to help me soar higher. Through his criticizes and scolding, I know exactly what was wrong and how to work on my mistakes. He taught me to be resilient and to accept criticism positively. Criticism doesn't push me down, in fact it helped me to not make the same mistakes again. He taught me to be an independent learner and to be accountable for my own learning. My conductor inspired me to be a good musician and I was glad I did not give up on music.

kridUessay 2 / 15 5  
Mar 10, 2014   #2
Hi tadajiaen,

Here's my suggestion.
Some of your sentences are too short, and I think you can combine some sentences together. Try to come up with more complex sentences. Overall, it's a good idea!

My conductor has been my great influence on music. He who is renowned and successful has round bright eyes and bat-like ears catching every mistake performers made. Being Strict on all members of a band, he often has a high hope on every performance.

Learning an instrument takes time and patience. Although he was harsh on me, but I know he was trying to push my limits to help me soar higher.

Although...sentence.., ...sentence... (Don't add 'but' because it is not correct according to its standard form)

Hope this help :)
JasS 10 / 30  
Mar 12, 2014   #3
NOT afraid to play
afraid of playing

And I think it would be better that I was glad to not give up or I was plad that I didn't give up, instead of I was glad I didn't


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