I must confess that I am an introspective person. But during the first years of my life, I was not only reticent but also extremely shy and timid because of the bullying and teasing that I had to confront at my primary and secondary schools. I know that many people have the same problem but because I had no gut to oppose, I gradually became more and more coward. Ironically, I went to one of the most dynamic high school in my city. Hanoi-Amsterdam High school is the only place in Hanoi where students can take charge of managing and establishing every extracurricular activity from school clubs to school major events. At first, it seemed impossible for me to fit in. While my classmates arrange their time to join as many clubs as possible, the only thing that I did at school was sitting inside, studying and waiting for the class to end.
Fortunately, martial arts and Buddhism have turned me from an introvert into an extrovert. I started to practice martial arts after years of being bullied. I thrown fierce punches and kicks as they dismissed fear from me. However, martial arts turned out to change my personality. I realized that many other members were scared and shy too when they first came to martial arts in order to become more confident. Buddhism has also had a deep impact on me. It was an unexpected occasion when I was wandering in the book store and a book about Buddhism caught my eye. Initially, I just read it for fun. But after reading a few more books written by either monks or scholars, I realized that many of my notions about life and people were all prejudices. While I had always considered people to be separate and disparate entities, Buddhism taught me that people are similar. They all have to suffer from suffering, anxiety and dissatisfaction caused by their own ignorance of the nature of things, including their own emotion and action. The more we understand ourselves, the more we understand other people and the more we feel compassion for them. We will no longer be afraid of interacting with them because they are basically the same as we are.
I started to assimilate into the environment around me. At first, I aimed at finding those who have the same interest as mine so I joined the Martial Art Club in my school. I had the chance to make a lot of new friends and to feel more closely connected with them. Together, we competed in a talent competition held in my school. It was the first time that martial art was performed in my school as a form of art and also the first time that I had enough courage to express myself in front of hundreds of people. This year, I am the manager of the club. Comparing with the old day when I only cared for myself, what I am doing now, maintaining the bonds among dozens of people, is such a revolution. Last summer, I ventured into a whole new activity: taking a culture-course taught by five young interns from all over the world. We learned about each other as we discovered the cultures of many different countries in the world. I made friend with a Portuguese intern who was also a fan of martial art (he "played" Capoeira, an ancient African fighting style) and I got to know more about your global city thanks to a girl from Hong Kong. To sharpen my leadership and communication skill, I volunteered to hold a session with the deaf and muted kids in a school for the disabled. I was surprised to find out that although they could neither talk nor hear, they were so willing to play and communicate.
The past two and a half years has brought to me numerous life-changing experiences. They have uncovered my interest: working with people and finding how they interact with each other. It is why I choose Social Science to be my future major. The only question remained is "Why HKU?" Like many other applicants, I prefer HKU for its renowned quality of education, especially in the field of social science, and its international campus environment that creates chances for students from different regions to become global citizens. In addition, I also take into account the historical and geographical context of Hong Kong. For me, Hong Kong is the place where East meets West and where the dynamic and cosmopolitan people maintain their Eastern tradition as they keep up with the world's innovation and modernization. Therefore, I see Hong Kong as a gateway for me to come into the world.
People usually ask why I choose to study in a strange country rather than staying here at my cozy home. They are even more concerned why a kid from a middle-class family spends all of his precious time trying to get scholarships from those foreign universities that are extremely difficult to get in, instead of using that time to study for the university entrance examination here in his country, which is more reachable. For me, if you have enough determination, there is nothing that you cannot do. I have been successful in changing my own characteristics and I believe I can get into the school that I have always dreamed of.
The deadline will come in 2 weeks so I truly appreciate help from you guys
Hey :) What's the prompt?
1. I like your ideas, especially how Buddhism changed you as a person. But in some parts of your essay, perhaps it would be better to "show not tell". For example, you could delete the sentence "Fortunately, martial arts and Buddhism have turned me from an introvert into an extrovert" and instead allow your story to make the reader have that conclusion.
2. Also, you talk about four separate experiences that changed you as a person: martial arts club, your religion, your culture course, and your volunteering. I think that it could be organized better, or you could pick two or even just one experience and talk about that in detail. There are more details on your martial arts experience and your religion than the other two. Right now, these four experiences make your essay a little messy. But the ideas are still good!
3. Some grammar mistakes. If others don't mention them, I'll try to help ASAP!
