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"Confessions Of An Over Anxious Teenager" - Common App General Essay


thimmaiah 4 / 5  
Dec 20, 2010   #1
Confessions of an Over Anxious Teenager:

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*

The slow, monotonous, abhorred yell of the alarm clock ended an important meeting with my associate, sleep. We were discussing the highly controversial topic of deprivation. I slowly turned towards the clock as though daring myself to look. Through my groggy eyes, what looked like 01:24am was actually 6:30 am. The first rays of light came shining through the window. As I lay down on my back and I slowly understood that it was time for school.

I always hated going to school. No, it was not because of the studies, not because of my parents but because of my very intense anxiety.

I could tolerate any amount of work, any amount of studies but the one gaping hole in my personality was my anxiety-the monster. Never realized, when it creeped upon me like the symbiote in the movie Spiderman. The feeling of being chained to my lacunas made me more miserable.

Not knowing about one's problem is one thing and knowing about it and not being able to do about is another thing. Knowing fully well that I was restricting myself from not enjoying my teen years had a negative effect on me.

With no friends and no group activities, I was stuck up in my little shell, unwilling to come out. I was a loner. The only course of action was to study on my own,(which was easier said than done) As a result my grades took a nice beating.

Added to this, to cover up my shortcomings, I put up a fa├žade of stubbornness, refusing to listen to my parent's advice on human-human interface. So as a result the relationship with my parent's got strained (which was sad, because my mom makes great food). I felt I was being judged by the whole world.

The only solace I felt was, when playing with my little brothers, the unjudgemental beings who looked up to me as their role model and loved me for what I was. I would shed all my fears and inhibitions and be the person I wanted to be.

That would not last long. It would be back within no time - the creepy monster.

I was trying hard to break this imaginary wall I had built around myself, but of no use. Until I saw that my youngest brother was also heading in the same direction as me. He couldn't defend himself from the bullies at school, kept to himself at home, not wanting to go out and play with other kids. A mini-me in the making. I realized that my lifestyle had a major effect on my brother's upbringing. He looked up to me, and I failed miserably.

I believe that an event or an incident can change one's life to the worst or to the best. In my life the latter one took the precedence. Not being able to watch my youngest brother, a third grader, not able to give it back to a bully, but standing alone in a corner at his school, made me realize the consequences of my action and my responsibility as an elder brother (which we in India, give it a great importance)

It was on that day I resolved to change. I said enough was enough. Invoking President Obama's campaign slogan, after some professional help, encouragement and understanding from my parents, and mainly my determination, led me to change.

I began interacting with people I earlier saw everyday, but never had the courage to talk to. I soon found out that I had more in common with the rest of my class than I thought. I felt this euphoria of accomplishment. I felt what it feels like to achieve the impossible.

End Result: my grades improved(drastically), I made tons of new friends, I hung out more around the house(my friend's house that is), and more importantly my brother soon began to talk and play with the not only the same group of boys that bullied him, but also with the other students in his class.

After this there was no looking back. I was able to unleash my talents, by getting into the school basket ball team and went on to be the captain. Tried my luck at the school rock band and also participated at other social activities, which I could not even dream off earlier.

I felt being broken out of that chained room. My parents are proud of me, my brothers are more happy with the new Me. Moreover I am very proud of myself for facing my fears and taking one day at a time.

There are some days, like today, wherein the creepy symbiote harps upon me, but I have the antidote (face the fears) now, unlike my dark days and move on.

As these thoughts came racing back to me in bed, I got out of bed, got ready and walked to school told to myself "I have a duty". That duty is to stop being the shy, panicky, introvert I once was and to be a better person to my friend's, a better son to my parent's and especially a better role model to my youngest brother".

I entered the school gates.
In a few minutes I came to the classroom doors.
With a deep breath I entered the wooden doors to my new life.

mimiQ 5 / 11  
Dec 20, 2010   #2
I didn't check the grammar or any other wording mistake but here are my opinions after reading your essay:

1.I really like the beginning paragraph. It's very descriptive and interesting.

2.1/3 of the essay is talking about the negative effects of your shyness. I think that's too much. You can totally just sum up all of those with one paragraph with an appropriate length. Also, if you're trying to show how you changed

3. It seems to me that your brother is the reason that you changed. You also mention how "it is a duty to become outgoing and so on". Well, i personally think that would make people feel like you changed "because of others" not because you WANTED TO. In fact, instead of talking about how you used to let your brother down, i think you should just say how proud he was after you changed. Always remember the essay is about YOU and you need to show your critical thinking.

I hope this would help.
Good Luck!!! :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Dec 31, 2010   #3
I could tolerate any amount of work, any amount of studies but the one gaping hole in my personality was my anxiety-the monster.

This is the first sentence of the essay. The sentences that come before this sentence are not helpful. This is a great first sentence, and I hope you don't take offense if I suggest that you omit the ones that precede it. :-)

Your paragraphs are very short. Some short paragraphs are okay, but I challenge you to add one sentence to each of those short paragraphs. Sometimes, it is good to add a topic sentence at the beginning to improve clarity, and other times it is good to add a conclusion sentence at the end to express the paragraph's idea more fully.

Remember: Each paragraph = one idea to support the essay's main idea
mayrooo 1 / 3  
Dec 31, 2010   #4
I think the first paragraph is really good! but then when you start talking about yourself and your problems it kinda loses flow. Your paragraphs are too short. you can write the problem in the second paragraph, write how it effects your brother and why that effects you in the third paragraph, then write how u overcame it then in the last paragraph write your conclusion! I think the idea is really good though since its really personal!


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