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"Confidence"; Stanford Supp - What Matters to You

kellyjanemartin 3 / 18 2  
Dec 30, 2012   #1
Hey there!! This is my final Stanford supplement essay. I based it off one of my UC application essays, but I think it works well for the prompt. I would love your help checking grammar and content! Thanks in advance for all your help!! You are wonderful!!

What matters to you, and why?

Throughout late elementary and middle school, I was the subject of choice for mean girls and bullies. As a result, I was constantly afraid to share my thoughts in fear they would be grounds for judgment, so I often avoided social situations altogether. The only place I felt truly free to be loud, silly, and cheerful was at Foothill Horizons Summer Camp. "Don't worry about who is popular back at school," a counselor once assured me. "They're the ones that aren't popular, because they're the ones that aren't here." I later realized that I felt happy, secure, and empowered at Foothill because I felt free to be myself. I resolved to embrace this renewed self-esteem, liberating myself from the confines of social anxiety.

Foothill Horizons Summer Camp is the place where I became the strong, confident young woman I am today; it has helped me make momentous strides in personal development, and now that I have persevered, I wish to continue to help other kids do the same. Having participated for four years in Foothill's incredible Counselor-in-Training and Junior Counselor programs, I have had the opportunity to work with younger campers, serving both as a mentor and as a friend. My involvement in these leadership positions at summer camp has been an incredibly fulfilling experience, and I hope to join camp staff next summer to give back to the community that raised me. I aspire to be a role model for children who struggle with bullying and to serve as an example that it is completely possible to overcome social obstacles and thrive.

Foothill Horizons Summer Camp has given me the resources to discover my true capabilities, and I have the self-assurance to be a more involved member of my community as a result. I hope to guide younger kids to find their inspiration and to help them realize their full potential, just as my camp counselors encouraged me. Confidence is the greatest gift Foothill Horizons has ever given me, and I hope to pass on this gift to others.
HarvardAccept - / 57 24  
Dec 30, 2012   #2
Hello, we meet again C:

Great! Your last paragraph is really repetitive though, add something else that isn't repeating what you wrote over and over again :)

Sorry for a bad edit. I'm really tired. I'll do it tomorrow C:

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