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'a confident girl I am now' - UC freshman essay


Didi94 1 / 2  
Oct 16, 2011   #1
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

It's amazing how every day seems the same like every other day, but when we look back everything has changed. Before entering senior year, I have always thought of myself as the same person I've always been: shy, obedient, and reserved.

One night during dinner, I and my family were sharing stories while joking around when my mother said, "Are you also this loud at school?" I was quite taken aback by her question. Haven't I been the same person all along?

Looking back, I started to realize how much I have changed. It was during my freshman year when my friends forced me to join the school's dance competition. At first I hesitated. I've never performed in public and it scared me, but after my friends motivated me I decided to try. After weeks of practice we finally performed and won first place. Although it was only an intern event, that small victory boosted my confidence and since then, I started to try new activities.

I joined the debate team where I learned that it's okay, even necessary to be headstrong towards our opinion and that I should be brave to take the risks of being wrong. I also joined the student body and was chosen to become the president, where I learned to be responsible for my decisions.

I grew up to become a confident girl I am now who is not afraid to take risks and be responsible for her own actions. If it weren't for my stubborn friends, I would never have taken any risks and I would still be the same timid girl I used to be.

I don't know whether this essay answers the question and I know this is a very rough essay, so please give comments and critics to help me improve. Thank you in advance :)
yurika888 3 / 5  
Oct 16, 2011   #2
Great essay, and mostly great beginingg. I feel like you have the reader hooked and they want to keep reading more into your essay. You might want to put your paper under advanced proof reading for minor grammar mistakes.

Good Luck!
ali_alqaisy93 2 / 7  
Oct 16, 2011   #3
My family and I ..
I think it's good a good essay, answers to the question with a sense of humbleness. Good luck!


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