The Prompt:Please reflect on something you would like us to know about you that we might not learn from the rest of your application, or on something about which you would like to say more. You may write about anything-from personal experiences or goals to interests or intellectual pursuits.
I would love to hear general criticisms or comments, thanks.
As a child, I remember peering through my mother's textbooks trying to relate the DNA sequences in them to my English workbook. The connections that I had made between genetic letter codes and the alphabet were groundbreaking. Many years later, I am fortunate enough to research at the Tufts University Lab of Biomedical Sciences, drawing relationships between mutated genes and natural compounds.
When my mother finally landed her first job as a nurse after our few unstable years as immigrants, she was ecstatic. Eager to care for her first client, her stories of her experience working with a 55-year old Huntington's disease (HD) patient resonated in our household. But only a week after, that same patient chose to end his own life. Back then, the fact that the very devastation associated with a disease could result in the consideration of death as a "treatment" alternative absolutely shocked me. This incident however, sparked my curiosity. After months of streaming lectures, cracking dense journals, and bugging my teacher for clarification, I had built up a considerable wealth of knowledge on HD. My thirst for knowledge only grew, and soon I put together a research plan based on data available online trying to make a difference directly in the field.
After weeks of rejection, somewhat expected for a high school nobody, I finally grasped a strand of hope - an invitation. Dr. Truant, who was impressed by my thorough research plan, offered me a research position in his lab.
Fast forward to the summer. I had already learnt many laboratory techniques and begun conducting my own novel research. Despite a number of disappointments, from excessively applying precious antibodies to wasting hours-work of cell culture, my motivation came from imagining the vast applications my first successful results would have towards pharmaceutical development. One day I exclaimed at seeing my neurons not die from the compound. It was success in all its toxicity-inhibiting glory. While traditional methods were limited to altering the mutated Huntington protein and its normal function, my innovative approach had allowed for it to stay stable while getting its symptoms from the mutation treated. Oh Axitinib. Axitinib was the graceful compound's name. However, I recognized that this was just the beginning. My research was simply a miniscule piece of the puzzle called cure, in which a large number of intricate pieces are still missing.
Fortunately, my research efforts have attracted some unexpected rewards along the way, allowing me to participate in life-changing experiences such as standing on the award stage at the Intel International Science and Engineering Fair. But ultimately, I wish to instill the spark of insatiable curiosity in our next generation.
As humans, we shall never know everything. In fact, we will always know relatively nothing. We are insignificant, we are building upon uncanny assumptions, and science can never be truly successful. But is there really anything more exciting? Rather than following one branch of knowledge, let us expand the tree as a whole. I believe problems are the rain that allows the tree to fundamentally grow, and as the number of problems increase, the chance of learning anew soars. The innate passion for relating concepts and utilizing intuition as the method for solving problems drives me, and in the words of Bernard Shaw, we cannot "solve a problem without creating ten more." Exploring everything from the alphabet to Huntington's disease allows me to build the roots I require to follow the endless path which we call learning, progressively creating more problems than I can ever solve. My penchant for solving problems stems from curiosity and drives me to uncover the truth.
It is the fact that we will never holistically know said truth, which only fortifies my desire to further my study and escalates my passion for pushing the boundaries of knowledge, ultimately finding joy from uncovering the unknown.
And with this in mind, I continue my research.
The essay is written well and in a logical order. You have very good examples. I only found this slight error that does not stain its content: Shaw, we cannot "solve a problem without creating ten more."
the apostrophe should be placed right before "we". the words of Bernard Shaw, "we cannot solve a problem without creating ten more."
Nice essay and good luck.
Christine, you have already established the fact that you are a cutting edge researcher whose future as a scientist has been recognized by experts in the field. Your foundation is solid, admirable, and uncanny for a person of your age. The accomplishments that you listed have already placed you ahead of the others in the list of future science researchers. If I were you, I would not waste the concluding paragraph by referring to an abstract idea or a quotation from Shaw. That paragraph seems to have suddenly made your essay take a u-turn when it should be going full steam ahead.
If you could revise the conclusion to further discuss how you plan to continue doing your research, not by specifically mentioning the way the university can do that, but rather through your plans for future research, your essay will become stronger. As a future college student who has lofty ambitions for your future as a scientist, you should let the reviewer know that you plan on continuing your HD research regardless of which university you are admitted to. Refer to an abstract idea that might currently have regarding the control, prevention, or cure for the illness. That will close the essay on a strong note and remind the reviewer that you are not an ordinary applicant to their program.
