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Constraints/ Help family/ People skills; COMMON APP - Financing/ Major/ Life goals


jorgearmando18 8 / 32 9  
Jan 7, 2013   #1
Hey everyone, this time are my short answer questions for A&M but they are also the same for other universities, thank you, sincerely, for your help.

What I need it's a grade in a 0-100 scale, and maybe some feedback, what would you change? if you see grammar errors I highly appreciatte those too, DON'T FORGET TO POST A LINK OF YOUR ESSAYS OR NEEDS, I will be more than happy to help you with them

Special circumstances that affect your family's ability to fund your college expenses. A maximum of six 80-character lines will be sent.
I can truly say that I'm alone in my way to college. My father is a 60 year old man worried about paying our house and the bills, while my mother spends her days building a home. A lack of transportation has made difficult the work possibilities for me, and the establishment of a new life started less than one year ago, when I and my mother decided to come to America. The financial supporting of my mother is also impossible since neither one of my parents speak or understand English. The work possibilities reduce in a highly percentage.

Why have you chosen to apply to Texas A&M University?
A maximum of two 80-character lines will be sent.
Academics, installations, staff, values, excellence, high dreams, opportunities, diversity. It adds up to a family to which I want to belong

Why have you chosen your academic major(s) of Business Administration and Human Resources Development ?
A maximum of two 80-character lines will be sent.
The relations with people are my passion, I find a different world and each one, and my majors bring me a enormous opportunity to enhance these relations.

Briefly describe any educational plans you have beyond earning your Bachelor's degree.
A maximum of two 80-character lines will be sent
Keep building my passion of learning and being involved through a master's degree, then keep up the effort to reach my doctoral dream.

What are some of your life goals and objectives?
A maximum of three 80-character lines will be sent
Lead my family to out of the box by being the first one to attend college, give them the education that I never had, and support them to get out of the low-middle class, have a company own by me and build strong relations with people.

Th25cc 2 / 90 26  
Jan 7, 2013   #2
Special circumstances that affect your family's ability to fund your college expenses. A maximum of six 80-character lines will be sent.

Financially speaking, I can truly say that I'm alone in paying for college. My father is a 60 year old man worried about paying our house and the bills, while my mother spends her days building a home . A lack of transportation has made difficult the work possibilities for me, and the establishment of a new life started less than one year ago when my mother and I decided to come to America. The financial supporting of my mother is also impossible since neither one of my parents speak or understand English. The work possibilities reduce in a highly percentage . Because my parents are not fluent with the English language, they have a difficult time finding work - the source of income.

Comments on first short answer: I added "financially speaking" so it becomes clear that you are alone in terms of money - not in terms of emotional support. The addition of "paying for" also helped with that issue. I deleted "our house and" because "the bills" is sufficient enough to show financial struggle. What do you mean when you say your mother is building a home? Is she physically creating its walls? I eliminated a comma after "ago" and I changed the clause regarding you and your mother to "my mother and I" because that is the proper order. I eliminated the last two sentences and wrote a clearer sentence for you.

What are some of your life goals and objectives?
A maximum of three 80-character lines will be sent
Lead my family to out of rough times by being the first one to attend college, give them the education that I never had, and support them to get out of the low-middle class.I also want to own a company while building strong relationships with people.

Before we go any further with grammatical corrections, you need to come up with more content. Your current responses are not sufficient, especially when it comes to your future educational plans. You should probably fill up the maximum allotted writing amount (character lines). Why do you want a doctoral degree? Besides it being highly prestigious, what about it will help you in life? Do you have any specific life goals that you can elaborate upon? Right now you have many brief goals. What kind of company would you own?

You have a good start content wise, but you would be better off if you brainstormed more content. I have corrected all the grammatical errors I've seen, but you should have someone review your final short answers again after you revise them.

Good luck!

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My political and economic writing can be found at teenagelibertarian.blogspot.
OP jorgearmando18 8 / 32 9  
Jan 7, 2013   #3
Oh my god man you are so amazing! THANK YOU so much, like seriously thank you! I'm definitely adding your site to my bookmarks!

OH I almost forgot, the building a home thing, I'm trying to express not like a physically home or a house, but a home like, well you know, spiritually or emotional speaking, I think I'm going to murder that, by the way you made me laugh when I read it haha, Thanks again bro!
Th25cc 2 / 90 26  
Jan 7, 2013   #4
Perhaps you could say "my mother spends her days working to mold our house into a home - a place where our family can come together and enjoy life". It may be a little wordy, but it does convey what your mother is attempting to do.

Writing can often be tough while attempting to adapt to an entirely new culture, especially that of America. Just do your best to be sincere with your questions. Perhaps you could arrange an in-person interview to better convey that sincerity.

Again, best of luck. It'd be great if you end up owning a business someday - we need more of them (the reasoning is complicated).
OP jorgearmando18 8 / 32 9  
Jan 7, 2013   #5
Thank you very much again! It is tough since I've been like 10 months here, and that's the time that I got to learn the language haha, it's a pressure pretty big in my shoulders but the effort is worthy.

Very best of luck to you too, Jorge.


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