"to continue my education at a high level" + "Lidership" - UCF application

(Why did you choose to apply to UCF?)

Hi, my name is Drew Dawson. I have chosen to apply to UFC for a few reasons. The most important reason to me is to continue my education at a high level. I would like to major in Business and from what I can tell with my research, UCF offers a outstanding Business Program. I would also like to minor in Music so I can continue learning and possibly doing something with music after I graduate. The second reason is UCF has a very good football program. I'm currently playing football for Palm Beach Lakes High School and if the opportunity is there I would love to continue my football career at a school like UCF. The third reason I would like to attend UCF is for the location of the University. I've visited the Orlando area a few times and I'm in love with everything about it. I think the city atmosphere would be a nice change for me and it's important for me to stay in Florida.

(What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?)

I feel that I have many qualities that can help me contribute to the UCF community. When I think of the qualities I possess the first one that comes to mind is my leadership ability. This is something I feel has grown in me since the start High School. In almost everything I've done I have been put in a position to lead. I have led the worship team for my church since I was a freshman. On the football field I have picked a position where leadership has to be present for the team to run smoothly. Playing Quarterback for four years has really helped me grow as a leader because things don't always go smoothly on the football field and you have to be calm no matter what the situation is. Recently my father has been given a job opportunity our of the state, this has made my leadership role within the family much greater. I have two younger sisters now that I have to help take care of and a house to help look after. I think through all of the opportunities in my life it has made me into a very strong leader and someone who would really be able to contribute to UFC in that aspect.

[Hi, my name is Drew Dawson. I have chosen to apply to UFC for a few reasons.]

this opening is very boring, make it more interesting. also, consider using the method of showing not telling.

The most important reason to me is to continue my education at a high level.-- this sentence does not really say anything. Know what I mean? I would scratch it out...

I would like to major in Business and from what I can tell with my research, UCF offers a outstanding Business Program. -----this is another empty sentence...nicely written, but lacking substance.

Hey, that second essay is full of substance, very good stuff!
The first essay has almost no substance. Think about your goal of showing the reader that you are serious and thoughtful about your chosen fields of study. Show us what you are all about with that first essay.

:-)

Your first essay is very boring. It doesnt engage the reader. Try and find a more creative way to present your reasons.