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'to continue promoting healthy nutrition' - Waitlist Response to UPenn


sammyd5 1 / -  
Apr 5, 2012   #1
Dear Dean of Undergraduate Admissions of the University of Pennsylvania,

I am writing to reiterate my interest in attending the University of Pennsylvania. Aside from being an excellent university, the Department of Biology at Penn perfectly complements my interest in the field of neuroscience. Specifically the ability to conduct undergraduate research with Ted Abel on molecular mechanisms of long-term memory storage will help me better understand this fascinating area of study.

Sometimes I like to tell people that my parents knew I wanted to be a doctor long before I did, but the truth is that the idea of becoming a physician has been gestating within me since I was young. Penn's pre-medicine program will not only challenge me to reach my potential, but also effectively prepare me for medical school. I will be able to take advantage of Penn's close proximity to its own hospital and various opportunities to gain clinical experiences in some of the best medical facilities in the world. I know Penn will satisfy my desire to become a physician.

In addition to my interests in neuroscience and medicine, I feel that I will bring a unique perspective to the Penn community. Due to my aim to raise multicultural awareness, I will bring a sense of unity to the community by establishing the Cultural Diversity Club. As founder-president, I will host several events throughout my four years involving foreign films, international cuisine, traditional dances, and sports that are less familiar to Americans, such as korfball, cricket, and rugby. I believe this club will be a valuable instrument to achieve unity with the different ethnicities surrounding Penn's students.

I would like to continue promoting healthy nutrition in Penn's community and beyond, as I did in the XXXXX Leadership XXXXXXX by banning mobile vending near schools, through joining the Agatston Urban Nutrition Initiative (UNI). The program heeds the same beliefs as I do, as it emphasizes the importance of healthier food choices among youth in West Philadelphia, as well as university students and community members. This program is one of the many things that make Penn unique and a perfect match for me.

I also wanted to take this opportunity to update my application. Since submitting my application in the fall, I have earned several accomplishments. For example, the mobile vending ordinance that restricts food trucks in XXXXX Unified School District I have been advocating for several months successfully passed on XXXXXXX 5, 2012. I am also a UCLA Alumni Scholar and am a Regents' and Chancellor's Scholar of UC Berkeley. In addition, I am in the process of receiving XXXXXXXXXXX Scholarship.

The University of Pennsylvania remains my top choice. The programs offered fit extremely well with my interests in neuroscience and medicine, Philadelphia is a place I can see myself living in, and the student body at Penn is one that I will not only learn a great deal from but also contribute a great deal to. I would be honored to be offered a place in Penn's Class of 2016.

Thank you very much for your time.
Sincerely,
XXXXX XXXXX
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Tell me how it is please. The "XXXX"'s are replaced for personal security.
menukagrg 7 / 98  
Apr 5, 2012   #2
"Aside from being an excellent university, the Department of Biology at Penn" - Isn't the comparision wrong here? Department of Biology is not an excellent university, Penn is so i think, it should be something like "Aside from being an excellent university, Penn also has a Biology Department that perfectly complements..."

I think i am correct but i am not sure.
bansmart06 4 / 8  
Apr 6, 2012   #3
You should pull out some statistic which support your main point of essay


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