Contributing to the Bryn Mawr Community - college with rigorous intellectual stimulation

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The Bryn Mawr Honor Code and Self-Government Association affirm the importance of our academic and social communities. In what ways do you see yourself contributing to the Bryn Mawr community and how will these experiences shape your time at the College?

"But Bryn Mawr is an all women's college!" stated my friend with a queer stare and most extraordinary expression ever!

"Yes, an all women's college, with closely knit network and rigorous intellectual stimulation! I dare say it will be life changing!" I replied with exhilaration, for my understanding of Bryn Mawr was not limited to the gender norm that it defied.

"Are you sure?" she questioned again leaving me to think of what I would share and gain from a priceless experience of being a Mawrter someday.

A typical Indian small town girl riding on the open trolley of the tractor; I always felt like Jo March from Little Women. My keen desire to pursue my ambition never surrendered to the complex circumstances of Indian society. The Emily Balch Seminar and Speaker Series will indeed be an opportunity to be among the brilliant minds and question their journey to success.

I grew up with the stories of Nancy Drew and dramas of Shakespeare. I am extremely 'challengeoholic'; from experimentation with Azadirachta indica oil to creating Indian version of Guernica; forming new formulas to debating on the concept of inflation in India! Bryn Mawr offers myriads of academic and non academic opportunities that will eventually lead its women to the bright horizon.

I stay reserved and yet am spotted in every heated group discussion. I love to write and can dance all night. I am a perfect leader and a global citizen! Joining clubs like Project Educate and Admission Ambassador correspond to my interest for I sincerely believe that not one should remain deprived of the treasure of intellectualism. I run a non profit tutoring institution for the girls who fail to afford expensive coaching classes.

I love designing buildings but Persian art and natural sceneries are my speciality. My paintings get published in the local newspaper. Taking up 360° interdisciplinary experience will venture me out of my comfort zone, connecting me with peers and faculty.

When I am bored, I build structures using UNO cards. I can swim across a swimming pool in a breath and I am the best typist in town! I enjoy running and can sprint 800 metres in 3 minutes; hoping to be an Owl and holding up the pride of Bryn Mawr.

Bryn Mawr is beyond accumulation of knowledge for it guides its women to expand and evaluate it over time. And a priceless opportunity to contribute to this homely community is what I yearn for. My own contribution to this community will be a small tribute to those great women who rose above all norms and worked towards the betterment of the world.

My thoughts were soon invaded by my father who took great pride in the decision that I made. It wasn't solely the 'No Boys' factor but a fact that Bryn Mawr nurtures those hidden talents who ought to be the leader of tomorrow. And in this very community, I will grow tremendously and experiment my knowledge in the authentic world, representing Bryn Mawr internationally!

What you have given are simple introductions to your academic and extra curricular interests. As introductions, these are alright, but you need to develop your possible academic and extra curricular contributions in order to highlight the possibility that you will be an excellent addition to the Bran Mawr community both academically and socially. Unfortunately, you are hindered by a word count that will not allow you completely present and discuss your academic and extra curricular prowess. Instead, choose your best academic and social endeavor that you feel will best highlight your abilities as a Bryn Mawr student. Make sure that you expose the side of you to the admissions officer that you know will be best received. Usually, these are characteristics or traits, or activities that you participate in that resonate well with the goals and objectives of the university.

Your introduction is too long and does not help present anything that will help advance the introduction of your essay. It is almost a separate part of the discussion as it is a series of exchanges between you and your friend. Essays like these need to be direct to the point and interesting. Exchanging dialogue between people at the start of an essay does not usually work to hold the interest of the admissions officer. Don't repeat information about the university that is common knowledge. Instead, try to offer an idea as to how you are looking forward to changing the landscape of the school by some specific academic and extra curricular goals that you have which currently does not exist in the university. That should help to perk up the interest of the reader in your essay and make it more prompt adherent as well.