Topic: please tell us how you would use your Wesleyan education to make a contribution to your home country. (Approximately 400 words)
[b]Below is my response to the essay question: why you are interested in your choice of major, required by Drexel University
Could you please help checking the ideas, word choice, grammar and tone? (any, not necessarily all, of course ^___^)
It is a little bit similar to the Contribution essay I've posted. :-" You all know how these application essays work. :"> j/k ^^
Today's global environment makes it necessary to have worldwide knowledge, rather than focusing only on domestic climate. Therefore, studying abroad provides a golden key to open the door to human intellect and images of the real world. The United States is undoubtedly the most desirable destination because of its unique liberal art colleges that provide rigorous education environment. Among hundreds of prestigious schools, Drexel University particularly attracts me for its high quality of education, lively campus community, and especially the advantageous co-op programs.
Applying to Drexel University, I hope to pursue the major in business. The chief reason is that I come from Vietnam, a developing country in Southeast Asia, where skilled laborers are immensely needed. Often when involved in international trade cases, Vietnam finds itself suffering from some financial loss. This fact is largely due to a severe dearth of human capitals in Micro and Macro management. By studying business at Drexel and taking co-op chances to learn how the real market operates in (one of) the most competitive trading environment(s), I will make an effortful attempt to bring positive changes to the current domestic economic downturn.
Also, for the most part, a major in business can broaden both my mind and skills. Hardly could any other profession adopt such flexibility and comprehensiveness. I can learn to adapt changes in the global market as well as gain adequate knowledge in many other fields such as law, sociology, psychology, etc. Some elite business leaders of the world as Bill Gates, the legendary billionaire, or Sergey Brin, founder of the Google search engine company and internet entrepreneur, possessed such great philosophy and creativity that they become greatly influential and exemplary to the youth. In order to achieve my savage dream to be like them, I determine that the first step is to follow a reputable education provider. [this paragraph is very, very awkward, really need help here :( thanx]
Apart from academic rationales, business major is appealing to me because a future vocation in this area will help me to satisfy my desire to physically discover the world. Doing business with international partners will supply me with a large amount of abroad travel, which is one of my biggest interests. I have been to many areas of Vietnam, my home country, and highly valued their beautiful landscape and rich culture, like tranquil Hue old capital, busy Hoi An ancient town or flowery Da Lat valley. I yearningly wish to have similar experience in other parts of the world like expecting the sunrise at a crowded port in Venice or lying comfortably on the white sand by the blue waving sea of Hawaii. Those are valuable adventures that a different job like accountant or science researcher with equally heavy work-load and well-paid salary cannot grant me.
However happy I feel towards my present life, I am ready for a new home at pleasant Philadelphia, where I could cultivate my interest in business major and discover a vibrant campus life. I am looking forward to receiving the accepted ticket for the journey to gain humans' most valuable treasure: knowledge. [silly ending :(( saveeeeeeeeeeeee meeee :((]
Thank you for you help! :)
I made some changes to improve the style, and perhaps you can even improve your (English) writing skills by applying the changes I made. Congratulations for being able to write English so well; the changes I made were minor.
Good luck!
Today's global environment makes it necessary to have worldwide knowledge, rather than focusing only on domestic conditions. Therefore, studying abroad provides a golden key to open the door to human intellect and the real world. The United States is undoubtedly the most desirable destination because of its unique liberal art colleges that provide vibrant education environment.
I can learn to adapt changes in the global market while gaining knowledge in many other fields, such as law, sociology, psychology, and so forth. Some elite business leaders like Bill Gates, the legendary billionaire, and Sergey Brin, founder of the Google search engine company and Internet entrepreneur, possessed such great philosophy and creativity that they become greatly influential and exemplary to the youth.
There, I will be able to cultivate my knowledge of business and discover a vibrant campus life. I am looking forward to the opportunity to take the journey toward humanity's most valuable treasure: knowledge.
I hope that helps!!!
:)
