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A Conversation between a granddady and his beloved grakid. UPenn Community Essay


qomoco 24 / 107  
Jan 1, 2010   #1
Prompt:Which of the academic communities and social communities that now comprise the University of Pennsylvania are most interesting to you and how will you contribute to them and to the larger Penn community?

I might have missed some of comments you guys made... Well this is my newest version, please read it and feedbacks please!!

Thank you, I will read yours back.

Empty Promising?

*Digging*
"Grandpa, just let the workers do the work, let's go play" my nine year old granddaughter said.
"So, you don't know why I brought you here, Pan (granddaughter)?" I said.
"Nooo" Rolling eyes (shrugs).
*Sigh* "I love Wharton." I told her, eyes closed (reminiscence).
"Ok...?" Pan said in a monotone.
"Hey, guys! I will come back in a minute" I yelled over to the workers.
"No Problem!" The workers responded.
"You know, Pan, this is not the first time I have dug ditches." I told Pan as I led her through the wonderful campus of UPenn.

"I know, Dad told me you actually did the physical work! You were stupid, no you are still stupid." Eyes rolling, finger pointing at me.

(Laugh) "Did your dad and mom tell you why they attend Wharton then?" I asked.
"I don't remember." Pan danced around freely with two arms stretched out.
"You remember Grandpa Meisel?" (2003 Wharton grad).
"Ari Meisel?" Pan asked.
"Correction, Grandpa Meisel." I corrected her.
"What about him?" Pan asked in sarcastic tone.
"It was him, who taught me how to build my own company. No matter what business you are in, you have to understand - by actually doing it - what it takes to do the lowest-level jobs involved in it. People will respect you for knowing what they do on daily basis. This time is a little different though, I want to build this new School of Foreign Languages(diversities) for UPenn with these very two hands." Hands extended out.

"I don't understand."
"Oh, you will when you attend UPenn." I said as we finished our tour around the campus.
Amongst the many contributions I will make, such as diversity of culture and ideas, I believe the most valuable is my enthusiasm for the Wharton School. I will definitely use what I will learn at Wharton to make a difference in society, spreading my knowledge and love for Penn to future generations. As an Asian American, I will fit very well into VPUL's Pan-Asian American Community House(PAACH), a community centers on leadership development. I honestly believe Wharton together with PAACH will shape me into one of the world's top leaders in business. Perhaps when the day come, I will give speeches of inspiration to the larger Penn Community, then when I retire, I will teach Chinese at the newfound School of Foreign Languages.

Inspired by Why Wharton: What is business? Business is Building Your Own Company - Ari Meisel Interview.
OP qomoco 24 / 107  
Jan 1, 2010   #2
no one????? can just one MOD(master of deed) read it lol..
autogunny 3 / 72  
Jan 2, 2010   #3
I led her

I lead her

It was him, who taught me how to build my own company. No matter what business you are in, you have to understand - by actually doing it - what it takes to do the lowest-level jobs involved in it.

too long of a sentence. cut it into two?

It's certainly unique.. I guess it would be okay. I really don't know.. I'm used to essays but the adcoms look for creativity more. Your essay was a nice change tho.. so I guess its okay :)

can you critique my BU 3 words essay
skyworthy 3 / 17  
Jan 2, 2010   #4
I am sorry, but your essay does not flow well.

I close my eyes in reminiscence... this would be better. Don't use caps and * to overemphasize the atmosphere. describe them.

another ex: I told the workers that I would be back....

and then carry on...

hope I helped.
OP qomoco 24 / 107  
Jan 2, 2010   #5
thanks guys, I submitted before I can read your comments though, didn't want risk been late.


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