Hi guys, here's my NU essay. I really hope it's good! Any feedback is welcome. Thank you!
The few days that I spent in Chicago over spring break were nothing short of exhilarating and eye opening. Stepping outside of my usual suburban girl bubble, I took extra care to experience and breathe in every essence of the Windy city. I tried an eclectic mix of foods from Chicago hot dogs to sashimi (I didn't know I was eating raw fish), spent copious amounts of time watching busy people bustle by with high tech cell phones, and had a fleeting 10 minute romance with a beluga whale in Shedd Aquarium. My excited father had decided to save the best for last. On our final day in Chicago, he dragged the sleepy family out of our warm, cozy beds at dawn and promised a very good college tour. Early mornings never allowed me to fully appreciate his intentions; I grumbled in protest as my unnerving father steered the rented Honda down Chicago's highways.
As it turned out, this was one of those instances where the parent was right. As I rubbed my tired eyes and chomped on a warm bagel, the Searle Medical Research Building and Morton Medical Research Building loomed in the distance. As my enthusiastic father explained the kinds of research that were occurring within those walls, I unleashed my imagination and envisioned myself in a solemn laboratory coat, using electron microscopes to peer into the cell nucleus. The end of the day brought many fond farewells; the image of the research buildings silhouetted against the dark blue of Lake Michigan was forever imprinted in my mind. Returning home after my trip brought forth more research of Northwestern. I garnered every type of paper and electronic resource I had and set to work. The purple guidebook with its vividly hued pages unfolded to stories about Big Ten basketball games, the philanthropic Dance Marathon and other excerpts of colorful campus life. While perusing the North by Northwestern website, I suppressed giggles at the article "Hanky Panky or Handy Panties" as author Lauren Bonenberger described her experiences hand sewing Halloween-themed underwear. The newsmagazine was written with such impressive creativity and wit that led me to envision my own publication about the various attractions at Northwestern. I wanted to learn even more about life as a Wildcat.
Conversing with my AP Biology teacher one day about the possibilities at Northwestern led me to a new discovery: the Integrated Science Program. ISP enthralled me with its tight knit community of fellow science obsessed students and the ISP house, distinct to nowhere else but Northwestern. The best part is its fusion of mathematics and science in a unified curriculum; I had always been a science geek but I found that with a solid foundation in mathematics, science made so much more sense. For instance, taking calculus in high school helped me through the tedious math related acid-base problems in chemistry. Within ISP, I could seek help on my latest cell genome project, engage in discussions with knowledgeable professors about quantum mechanics, and even access the ISP House at 2 in the morning to cook Nissin ramen if I chose to. Northwestern provides me the close knit community I crave in a program such as ISP. I long to meet my new friends at The Rock, attend biology class with my intelligent classmates, and continue to explore my research options at Northwestern.
Your essay is really personal and very well-written. but isn't the NU topic 'what are the qualities of Northwestern'? Because if that is the topic you are writing about, I think the first portion of your essay doesn't really answer the question...
Haha yeah... shoot. any ideas as to how i can correct it? :)
thanks!
Good idea/structure but some parts could be improved:
You can keep the first section but just shorten it, and expand the 2nd paragraph. More examples of your Bio/science interest, and how you would build upon this interest with the unique qualities of Northwestern. Perhaps more SPECIFIC details about your visit there, it's not as good to refer to googling NorthWestern afterward in comparison to describing what you experienced in a real visit.
Also, ISP is an integrated science program yet you mainly still refer to Biology, so it's not that clear why it's a good fit. Why do you like a blend of science/mathematics?
btw, latest celebrity gossip on People.com is biology related?
Work on detail and specifics,
good luck!
thanks for the help guys! :)
I will tweak and hopefully come up with a better version!
the first part is great as a description of Chicago (gosh, i love that city!) and you can definitely keep it, but if you're going to write that much detail on the city then make sure you add a lot of focus on the university as well.
it's good that you have a focus on bio/isp, so you can probably talk more about that? so basically, more school, less city. good luck! :)
can i just say... WOW?
beautifully written. no errors.
Excellent job editing, the essay turned out great. The only sentence I am unsure about is:
The purple guidebook with its vividly hued pages unfolded to stories about Big Ten basketball games, the philanthropic Dance Marathon and other excerpts of colorful campus life. It sounds like two separate ideas or a fragmented sentence, try using a semicolon, join the sentences, or split them.
~Thanks alot for checking out my essay =) ~
Haha I will fix that sentence! Good luck to you! :)
