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Convincing admissions essay for Cleveland Institute of Art: He


mattthew 1 / 1  
Apr 19, 2010   #1
I have to answer three questions in this essay...
1.Purpose for attending an art school.
2.What led me to this decision.
3.And why am I applying to the CIA

There isn't a required word count.. I just tried to answer these questions without dragging things out. I hope you guys can give me some advice. I went with a "life experience" theme.. Let me know if you think this will work. Thankyou

At the age of eighteen, I couldn't exactly tell you what I wanted to do with my life. During my high school years, I floated along in my own comfort bubble of predictability and little concern for my future. It wasn't that I was unintelligent or lazy, I just couldn't get inspired or motivated in my classes. High school came to an end and I saw my comfort bubble getting ready to pop, so I had to start figuring myself out quickly. I felt I was lacking real life experience which I thought would help me decide what I would love to do with my life. I decided to move as far away as possible from the security of home and joined the Marine Corps with the intentions of finding out who I was and experiencing a side of life with which I was unfamiliar which.

Subsequently, I deployed twice to Iraq and it was the harsh wake up call I needed to become serious about my life. War is not the only way to find yourself, but for me, it took that sort of shock to drive me to look further into my soul than I ever had. I came to so many different realizations about who I was that it seemed I was changing into a complete stranger, who had a different agenda. From this point on I no longer just existed, but I engaged myself in the world around me; what I was missing finally came to the forefront.

I had always found great pleasure in drawing, but prior to my first deployment never considered it as something I would have liked to have pursued as a career and lifestyle. On that initial tour, I made rough sketches of the Iraqis and Marines around me in the back of my patrol log book with what very little time I had. Drawing became not only a fun activity, but also a way to remove myself from the war. Due to my limited resources on my base back state side, I grabbed every piece of material available on art: DVD lectures, books on artists, technique, art history, etc; I devoted myself to expanding the concept of what art meant to me. The more I learned, the more I realized that art was what I wanted to do all along.

When I received my honorable discharge last December, I contacted a friend back home who was going to art school and I talked to him about his opinions and experiences in school. His enthusiasm and passion he and his peers shared for art, creativity, and development as an artist really intrigued me. I knew this was exactly the direction I wanted to take my life and I immediately started looking at art schools and local classes that I could begin in the meantime. I fell under the study of two local artists and enrolled in drawing, oil painting, anatomy classes and figure studies that really expanded my understanding of media and its application. I found that the Toledo Art museum was quickly becoming my home away from home; I began drawing from statues and busts until closing time. Drawing became such an important part of my life that I no longer considered it an activity; it became a necessity.

I knew then that art school was where I belonged. After touring several art schools, I started to understand how they differed from each other and also larger universities: the impersonal feelings, that their environment sometimes emits, the possible distractions from art, the overwhelmingly large variety of fields and majors offered.The CIA offers the expansive opportunities I need to not only experience various media, but also to collaborate with other artists and learn what they have to provide as well.

Furthermore, personal relationships are a very important part of my life and I knew I wanted to go to a school that wasn't so far away from my family that I wouldn't be able to visit or return quickly if any issues arose. I find I have always valued the few but special relationships with teachers in my past, and with the advantage of the small class size that the CIA offers, I believe I will be able to form closer bonds with teachers and students alike. Not only are relationships with teachers and peers important to me, but first and foremost, my family relationships play a central role in my life. The unique and close location to my home and relatives in Toledo further draws me to the CIA. What other unique qualities the CIA puts forth I have yet to find, but look forward to discovering.
linmark 2 / 328 7  
Apr 20, 2010   #2
Your "life experience" theme works wonderfully. I was amazed and totally captivated by your story: Discovering your passion for art from being deployed to Iraq!!! (how long were you there?) Are you thinking of concentrating in the fine arts? painting?

Made some corrections, reordered your concluding paragraphs and took out the duplication. The last sentence is a weak ending to your strong essay. Please consider recapping how CIA is perfect because its meets all your needs:

After touring several art schools and larger universities, I started to understand how they differed from each other and also larger universities : the impersonal feelings, that their environment sometimes emits , the possible distractions from ...
Furthermore, personal relationships (...) quickly if any issues arose. I find I have always valued the few but special relationships with teachers in my past, and with the advantage of the small class size that the CIA offers, I believe I will be able to ...
... and peers important to me, but first and foremost, my family relationships play ...
What other unique qualities the CIA puts forth I have yet to find, but look forward to discovering.
OP mattthew 1 / 1  
Apr 20, 2010   #3
Thanks for taking time to look over this essay! I only did four years in the Marines and two 7 month combat tours to Iraq. Very interesting time in my life. I am concentrating in drawing and painting right now but I'm open to changing directions once I get exposed to the different media these art schools let you get into...but I hope this works...

I'll let you know in two weeks if I get accepted.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 20, 2010   #4
Be strategic. I don't think this has a good function: At the age of eighteen, I couldn't exactly tell you what I wanted to do with my life. I think it would be good if the theme of getting a slow start was important to the essay...

... wait, alright, as I contionue to read, I see that it is part of the theme of the essay. Alright, at least chop the first sentence and start with this excellent one:

At the age of eighteen, I couldn't exactly tell you what I wanted to do with my life. During my high school years, I floated along in my own comfort bubble of predictability and little concern for my future.

Fix this problem with the word "which" ...
experiencing a side of life with which I was unfamiliar. which .

No comma after me, and change "yourself" to "oneself." In most essays, it is not good to addres the reader with "you" because it's sort of inherently presumptiuous or something.

War is not the only way to find oneself, but for me it took in my case that sort of shock was necessary -- to drive me to look further into my soul than I ever had.

(above) do you like it with a dash?

:-)


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