Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why.
Biology and Physics have always been my main interests in school. However, after attending a tour of Columbia University, I learned about the 'Core Curriculum'. This was a dream come true, as it can allow me to focus on my intended major, while also learning about the liberal arts that also fascinate me. I love philosophy, literature, history, and government in addition to my love of the sciences and the Core Curriculum can enable me to have the unique intellectual college experience that I could only have at Columbia. In addition to this, the Core Curriculum also places a strong emphasis on the classical works of literature that have been analyzed, read, and re-read many times over during that past millennium. This is something that has always interested me and I would love to be a part of a strong tradition that has been informing students since Columbia was created about 250 years ago. To be able to attend a university that is in the heart of New York City, has amazing course options, and some of the greatest professors in the world, is an amazing once in a lifetime experience that I hope I will get the chance to enjoy. I can honestly say that I have fallen in love with Columbia and that it is my absolute first choice university.
I rushed this one and I kinda don't like it but meh.
This an experimental edit for the first half...
Biology and Physics have always been my main interests. However, I also philosophy, literature, history, and government. After attending a tour of Columbia University, I learned about the 'Core Curriculum." This was a dream come true, as it can allow me to focus on my intended major, while also learning about the liberal arts tickles my outlying passions. This can enable me to have the unparalleled intellectual college experience which I could only have at Columbia.
Pretty weak :/ I think your wording lacks power and is monotonous. Take out all the annoying pre-explanations...it makes me feel like you're trying to over-simplify thing which 1. shows lack of personal depth and 2. makes me feel stupid while I'm reading it.
I don't feel any vigor in your want for Columbia, and you only focus on an aspect many schools already have (and one which I don't personally like): The core curriculum. Consider explaining how something that is often annoying (the core curric) is really like a predestination to well-rounded-ness at Columbia
I would retool the entire thing for you, but I am lest lazy and have to finish Lehigh. I hope you enjoy.
