I think it needs more focus... Please give me suggestions. Thanks!
Right now it's 499 words, and the word limit is 500.
Prompt: How does the major you would like to study in the College of Architecture, Art, and Planning match your intellectual, academic and career interests? Discuss any activities you have engaged in that are relevant to your chosen major.
Until fairly recently, my answers to the frequently asked "What-do-you-want-to-be-when-you-grow-up" question were always inconsistent. If, at a specific moment, I was joyfully immersed in the technical conundrums of, say, building a trebuchet, I would answer "Engineer". If I was instead engrossed in painting an expressive portrait for art class, I would answer "Painter". My other answers included "Historian" and "Teacher". At that time, I did not know that I wanted to study architecture at Cornell. I only knew that I wanted to apply all my passions to improve the world, in a vague, grand way.
Eventually, I realized that architecture encompassed all of my intellectual and academic interests: art, engineering, and everything in between. Architecture is artistic, imaginative; I experienced that when I climbed the whimsical staircase in Frank Gehry's newly redesigned Art Gallery of Ontario. It was truly "frozen music". However, I also believe that architecture is much more than frozen music. To study architecture is to study history, practical problem-solving skills and the creative and responsible application of technology, in addition to artistic expression. At Cornell architecture, I will put my passions for painting, trebuchet-building and for everything else to good use.
As a professional architect with my own firm, I will battle against environmental issues. I believe that architecture has a more physical impact on environmental protection than politics, or science. At Cornell architecture, I shall learn to design sustainability directly into people's lives.
As an architect, I also wish to rescue people from monotony. My school has a twin across town: an identical building with the same grey and tan exterior. It would be reasonably safe for me to presume that my school's level of pride would be higher, had the architect designed a building that creatively connected with the school community.
I have always been preparing for a future in architecture. Last year, at school, I designed and constructed a mural with several other students to revitalize the library hall way. The mural depicted fairies and magical books- and gave the library an air of enchantment. In my community, I drew an autumn scene on the sidewalk to revitalize the route to school (as you may have read in my personal essay). As well, I am currently working with my school's Arts Council to produce an interactive installation for a community Earth Hour festival.
In places beyond my community- in Beijing, Toronto, Tokyo, New York and Quebec City, I have immersed myself in the stories of skyscrapers and ordinary houses alike. On a recent trip to Beijing, I tried interpret how Chinese philosophies were visually translated into architecture in the Forbidden City. Later that day, I traveled to one of Beijing's hutongs, and let the spirit of the ancient brick courtyards move my soul.
Several months passed, and I stood in front of Rand Hall. I gazed at the commanding brick walls. I knew at that instant, that studying there, I would gain the knowledge and imagination required to tackle all the world's challenges.
As well, I am currently working with my school's Arts Council to
I dont think As well fits there.You should use something else to start that sentence.
overall,I really like the essay..especially the 1st paragraph.Its a simple and straightforward account.Also,you could elaborate on why you felt that affinity for cornell
Hey,can u please comment on my threads..
fairly recently, my answers to the frequently asked "What-do-you-want-to-be-when-you-grow-up" question were always inconsistent. ---> cut out unhelpful words.
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At that time, I did not know---> At what time? fairly recently? Specify.
Ah, you know what? I say you should scrap the whole first para. Why admit right away that you are not the most focused and passionate, aspiring architect? Why not present yourself as someone who is treading onward with certainty?
For example, this is a powerful sentence: I have always been preparing for a future in architecture.----> Let that be a theme for the essay. Show them that you are hell-bent on success. And attend to that prompt question as you revise. How does this major match your intellectual interests? Analyze yourself a little more! Analyze your passion and fascination.