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Cornell Animal Science - A Passion not easy to explain

verom0812 2 / 6  
Jan 3, 2011   #1
College of Agriculture and Life Sciences:
How have your interests and related experiences influenced your selection of major?

This is my essay for Cornell's alternate choice for the animal science programm. Please let me know what you thinks about it, and any grammatical errors.

Maybe when reviewing my application you may believe it is a strange combination of academic interests. Environmental Engineering and Animal Science do not have much in common. For me, one represents the future, while the other my passion. So here comes my story:

Until tonight I was sure I wanted to become an Environmental Engineer. I even already wrote my personal essay a few days ago, trying to focus on these career. But just one night before submitting my supplement application, something changed.

I was checking Cornell web, and ended up in your College's. Suddenly, I saw the Animal Science program, which I have heard before, but never paid to much attention. So just for curiosity I started reading it.

I read its mission, future students, and by the moment I was reading the courses I realized how excited I was. I saw especially two words that revived my passion: Animal Genetics. So even though I try to go to bed, the emotion does not lead me sleep. Therefore, here I am at 3:00 AM writing this essay.

It may all have started even before I was born. At the moment my parents brought me home for the first time, we already lived with six dogs. Therefore, since a little kid I always developed a special feeling toward these animals. Even today, I am one of those persons who sleep with her dogs on the bed.

So when growing up, this made me very different from most of my friends. While they were playing soccer, I was training my dog. While they spent their weekend on the beach, I was competing at a Dog Show. While they spent their summers in Europe or Disney, I was in Brazil working and learning from a professional dog handler.

Still, I always had a problem with dogs. Every time I carried my dogs to the vet, I always felt kind of dizzy. I do not know if it was the blood or the sensation that my dogs were being hurt that made me feel this way. What I am sure about is that it made me reject, since an early age, the possibility of becoming a veterinary.

However, I always maintained and special interest in breeding and reproduction subjects. In deciding to mate this sire with that bitch to obtain a better dog, or in living the experience of having puppies, as I did this summer with my aunt's Dobermanns. An experience where I saw blood and other things that could easily make me feel dizzy, but surprisingly they did not.

So all these factors have created on me an special interest toward animal reproduction and genetics. They are the responsible of making me feel this way when reading about your program. A feeling I do not know how to explain, but that makes my heart beat faster. A feeling that makes me believe Animal Science is my passion, and that there is no other place better than Cornell to experience it.

bbish520 8 / 30  
Jan 3, 2011   #2
Hope i helped! Check out mine please! :)
swoosh18 4 / 40  
Jan 3, 2011   #3
Start the beginning of the essay with your story instead of waiting until half way through. What makes you excited about animal genetics and reproduction?

Please read my essay, too. Thanks!
swoosh18 4 / 40  
Jan 3, 2011   #4
What factors should you take into account? How do you have to study the pedigrees? And other questions that still remain unanswered for me.

This could be better worded.

Overall, the essay is better, but I still don't think talking about engineering is necessary
Chigozie 13 / 22 2  
Jan 8, 2011   #5
Do check your introductory paragragraph. If you happen to be among the persons in the panel, will you be caputured enthralled from your introductory paragrap. Overall, you are a creative writer but I challenge you to restructre your introductory paragraph. Try to back up your interest with your experience, passion and strong enthusiasm and also note the corrections that has been metioned in the previous comments. Goodluck!!!

Please read mine, the deadline is fast approaching...

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