College of Arts and Sciences:
Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study. (500 words)
At age six, I knew I wanted to become a doctor. At age nine, I longed for an elite education. At age twelve, I knew I wanted to major in biochemistry. At age fifteen, my thirst for knowledge developed at the Mississippi School for Mathematics and Science, as I discovered other areas of study that challenged my curious mind. I found pleasure in completing a difficult physics problem involving Newton's Second Law, as well as reading Nathanial Hawthorne's work and analyzing his true intent. At age sixteen, I could analyze DNA fragments and run a Tolens' test, as my mind explored the realms of research. I researched Metabolic Syndrome in order to better understand the molecular events that contribute to mitochondrial dysfunction during the onset of Metabolic Syndrome. At age seventeen I desired for a post-secondary education that accommodates for my future growth in the science field.
After researching several universities, I found Cornell University's undergraduate program to offer a wide array of opportunities, which can help develop the necessary skills required by today's professional world and promote scholarly growth through the exploration of interests.
I am particularly interested in the Biology and Society department. I know that is department links directly links upcoming research to society. Unlike other colleges, Cornell allows undergraduate students to participate in this department. I believe that through this department I will be able to continue with my passion for research in biochemistry and other sciences, and link my findings to the society efficiently.
Undergraduate research at the College of Arts and Sciences will give me the opportunity to invest myself as a student and a scholar of the medical field by allowing me the freedom to choose academic programs that interest me. I believe with biochemistry I will be able to channel my interests in science, while engaging in research that directly impacted society. I have a strong desire to give back to the society in which I was raised. Researching biochemical processes allowed me link diseases and disorders of today to molecular processes that have been known for centuries. Similarly, Cornell's Life Sciences research provides research which directly influences global issues and benefits the society. Life Sciences research will allow me to participate in theoretical and applied research.
I will be the first from my family to pursue a career in the medical field, and I believe I can make this achievement through Cornell University's undergraduate Biology and Society department and research program. Cornell will allow me to gain the elite education I have desired since age nine, while continuing on the path of accomplishing the goal I set for myself at age six.
I really like your essay! it's direct and ties in nicely with the age bit at the beginning.
below are just some edits that might tighten the essay up a bit and allow for smoother transitions.
At age fifteen, I knew I was going to distinguish myself
in the faces ofamong my peers through research in biochemistry, and my thirst for knowledge awakened at the Mississippi School for Mathematics and Science , as I discovered other areas of study that challenged my curious mindsparked my curiosity .
my goal for the first year will be to seek an answer upon what to study --> the "seek an answer upon" bit sounds a bit extraneous. Perhaps you can find another phrase for it that will make the sentence more straightforward.
It will allow me to study biology, chemistry, physics, literature, and math, as well as other subjects, while giving me the opportunity to continue research
, and; this flexibility [...]
i also have a few essays that I need edits on. hopefully you can help me take a look as well :)
ps: I'm also applying to Cornell for arts&sci but I haven't written my essay yet. but best of luck to both of us!!
Love the revisions! Here are just some more edits
aspire to gainwant (try to keep the language straightforward and simple - remember the admissions officers are reading through thousands of essays everyday so it's better to use direct language) a post-secondary education whichthat accommodates for my growing curiosity,
I found Cornell University's undergraduate program to offer a wide array of opportunities
also, this sentence "I aspire to gain a post-secondary education which accommodates for my growing curiosity, and after researching several universities, I found Cornell University's undergraduate program to offer wide array of opportunities, which can help develop the necessary skills required by today's professional world and promote scholarly growth through the exploration of interests." is a bit run-on. maybe just have "After researching several universities..."
ok! Thank you so much!! Do you think it is ok that i used the same beginning for my Hopkins Essay? because the prompt was to tell why you chose a particular major..and I am undecided...and i thought the best way to convey that was through my interests changing with age.
I think that'd be a really great way to start the essay!
It's a real hook
hmmm well could you take a look at it? like i wrote about how i'm undecided...i would hate for that to work against me...should i just pick a major?
I would really pick a major. To be honest, you're not taking any "full-major" courses until sophomore-junior year. Your intro was good and I expected you to discuss how you finally found the one topic you enjoy, but you only explain all of Cornell's facilities and then continue jumping. It's not a bad essay, well written, but I think it's too jumpy. I understand that to be the case since you are undeclared, but I would just find something. It would make your essay a lot more stronger.
Remember, it's not what you're good at it, it's what you enjoy being good at.
Hi again! :)
I researched Metabolic Syndrome in order to
obtain a better understand ing of the molecular events that...
I prefer a post-secondary education that accommodates for my future growth in related field. It might be better to state right from the beginning of this paragraph that you're interested in the sciences so you don't keep the admissions people hanging. Maybe "...that accommodates for my future growth in a scientific field" might work better, but it's totally your call
I also just finished my Cornell supplement, also for the college of arts and sci (great way to spend the first hour of Christmas, I know). Can you take a look for me and give me some comments? It's my first draft so I need some edits. thanks!!
thanks! I did that...hmmm how can i take away some of the jumpiness?? :( I cant decide..i want to submit this tomorrow night. please help!
a way to make it less jumpy could be tying a theme into your essay that you allude to. This will tighten up your essay, give it a nicer flow, and show YOU through the essay
Thanks! I tried to incorporate biochemistry throughout my essay...it needs major touching up...it is awful. please look at it and comment away. please and thank you!
The essay does show that you are an impressive student. I didn't find any grammatical errors in your new revised copy - but don't count on me as a reliable source on grammar. Also I did sense your deep interest in Cornell.