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Cornell Arts & Sciences -- Interests


pennhopefull 5 / 18  
Dec 25, 2009   #1
Cornell Interest Essay: Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.

"Ew! It looks disgusting!" shrieked an appalled classmate. His pale white face and dilated pupils were the epitome of fear. As he staggered backward, his peers followed suit, the line of students around me thinning. Despite my every intention to sprint, the shock of the situation anesthetized my legs. I could not budge. Although I have no proper recollection of the teacher summoning me, I still remember the icy sensation I felt as this fragile object eased into my hands. I was holding the heart of an Ovis aries. Or as it is more commonly known: Sheep. Almost immediately, the trauma I previously felt morphed into exhilaration. Did I really posses the most vital organ of the animal which I used to once count in my sleep?

Always believing science to involve objects of life, I was intrigued to later find out that only through the dead, did we find out more about the living. The prospect that organ, merely ten centimeters long and weighing approximately 179 grams, determines the existence of an organism amazed me and sowed the seeds of my burgeoning interest in science. Although I established an in-depth curiosity for science almost seven years ago, my interest in the intricate subject evolved drastically. I went from understanding the functions of a sheep's heart in 5th grade to attempting to regenerate Neural Stem Progenitor cells in a mouse's brain during my summers.

Science requires genuine interest, innovative thinking and willingness to take risks; for me, the possibility of practicing, researching and understanding science as an undergraduate can be compared to daredevil activities such as skydiving and bungee jumping because of the rush of excitement that shoots through my veins. This is not an excitement triggered by centrifuging chemicals, but an excitement triggered by the realization that these same chemicals may hold the cure for cancer, vaccination for HIV or the treatment for Parkinson's Disease.

The advent of explanations to our society's problems are embedded in scientific research; I believe that by utilizing opportunities such as the Hughes Scholar Program available at Cornell University, I can further delve my interest in science by expanding upon my previous research experiences. By taking advantage of such opportunities available as Biological Sciences major, I hope to further my interest and research in the field of medicine by collaborating on research being carried out at Cornell University. By meshing my interest in neurobiology with that of Professor Barbara Strupp, I believe that I can further my scientific curiosity at Cornell by testing lasting cognitive effects of prenatal cocaine exposure, through the use of a rat model to establish links to underlying neural mechanisms.

In conclusion, I believe that utilizing such opportunities as an undergraduate at Cornell will adequately prepare me for medical school, and for a profession as a cardiologist. While I hope to learn a great deal from my experiences at Cornell University and employ the resources available to further my knowledge of science, I also hope to contribute to its campus and partake in it's strive for excellence at all levels.
Partyfann 1 / 7  
Dec 25, 2009   #2
Nice essay! I really liked it.

A couple things though.
-The flip-flopping of the tenses was a little disorienting.
-I think you could delete "in conclusion".

G'luck!
batmankiller 6 / 40  
Dec 25, 2009   #3
Yeah scratch in conclusion and just go "I believe" Always like the details in the intro.. shows you actually witnessed the event and not bsing or supporting your essay through generalities.
OP pennhopefull 5 / 18  
Dec 26, 2009   #4
okay thank you!! anyone else...pleasE?
tiliu 2 / 7  
Dec 27, 2009   #5
"Ew! It looks disgusting!" shrieked (this is a good verb, but unless you were very young, I wouldn't imagine a guy shrieking, idk just a thought.) an appalled classmate. His pale white face and dilated pupils were the epitome of fear. As he staggered backward, his peers followed suit, the line of students around me thinning. Despite my every intention to sprint (i would include a direction, sprint away from the organ or something cause just to sprint (without knowing what is going to happen next seems a bit odd) , the shock of the situation anesthetized my legs. I could not budge. Although I have no proper recollection of the teacher summoning me, I still remember the icy sensation I felt as this fragile object eased into my hands. I was holding the heart of an Ovis aries. Or as it is more commonly known: Sheep. Almost immediately, the trauma I previously felt morphed into exhilaration. Did I really posses the most vital organ of the animal which I used to once count in my sleep? (very nice creative little comment)

Always believing science to involve objects of life, I was intrigued to later find out (word order seems a bit awkward -to later find out-) that only through the dead, did we find out more about the living. The prospect that (this) organ, merely ten centimeters long and weighing approximately 179 grams, determines the existence of an organism amazed me and sowed the seeds of my burgeoning interest in science. Although I established an in-depth curiosity for science almost seven years ago, my interest in the intricate subject evolved drastically. I went from understanding the functions of a sheep's heart in 5th grade to attempting to regenerate Neural Stem Progenitor cells in a mouse's brain during my summers.

Science requires genuine interest, innovative thinking and willingness to take risks; for me, the possibility of practicing, researching and understanding science as an undergraduate can be compared to daredevil activities such as skydiving and bungee jumping because of the rush of excitement that shoots through my veins. This is not an excitement triggered by centrifuging chemicals, but an excitement triggered by the realization that these same chemicals may hold the cure for cancer, vaccination for HIV or the treatment for Parkinson's Disease.

The advent of explanations to our society's problems are embedded in scientific research; I believe that by utilizing opportunities such as the Hughes Scholar Program available at Cornell University, I can further delve (if you want to use delve, perhaps i want to delve deeper, expanding my interest..) my interest in science by expanding upon my previous research experiences. By taking advantage of such opportunities available as Biological Sciences major, I hope to further my interest and research in the field of medicine by collaborating on research (instead of being, perhaps currently something at Cornell.. cause the way you have it, you don't want to just contribute on the research they are conducting now, but the research in the future also) being carried out at Cornell University. By meshing my interest in neurobiology with that of Professor Barbara Strupp, I believe that I can further my scientific curiosity at Cornell by testing lasting cognitive effects of prenatal cocaine exposure, (no comma really needed) through the use of a rat model to establish links to underlying neural mechanisms.

In conclusion, (it's never really need to say 'in conclusion' it is already pretty obvious that it's the last paragraph and you will be stringing all your final thoughts together.) I believe that utilizing such opportunities as an undergraduate at Cornell will adequately prepare me for medical school, and for a profession as a cardiologist. While I hope to learn a great deal from my experiences at Cornell University and employ the resources available to further my knowledge of science, I also hope to contribute to its campus and partake in it's strive for excellence at all levels.

Overall, I enjoyed your essay.
My comments are merely suggestions. :) I hope they at least helped a little bit.
OP pennhopefull 5 / 18  
Dec 27, 2009   #6
wow, thank you! you're editing helped in a few spots, i realize that they can be better worded. thanks again!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13319 129  
Jan 8, 2010   #7
Here is something about commas I'll offer for you -- something not-so-important, because your writing is already very good...

Always believing science to involve objects of life, I was intrigued to later find out that only through the dead (no comma necessary) did we find out more about the living.

...only through the dead do we... ---- it goes straight forward, like a spear thrust.

Also, "believe to be" is a common phase, but it almost sounds awkward when you write "believe to ... involve..." bu actually, i think this is okay.

However, the tense needs some consideration:
Always having believed science to involve objects of life, I was intrigued to later find out that only through the dead did we find out more about the living.

Now, finally, let's look at the meaning:
I thought science was all about physical things (i.e. physical science) and THEREFORE I was surprised to learn that we can only learn about the living "through the (study of?) the dead."

This expresses some things that are not true, and it is a "non sequitor" because the belief that science involves physical things does not seem to have much to do with this insight about learning about the living by studying the dead.

I see what you mean later in the para, so it is okay, but this sentence has room for improvement.

Anyway, your writing is great already. I am only leaving this feedback as a thank you for the many people you have helped... I am afraid the deadlines has already passed, and this is already submitted?

:-)


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