Cornell College of Agriculture and Life Sciences: How have your interests and related experiences influenced the major you have selected in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences? (650 words)
I credit the development of my passion for environmental sustainability to a single factor: my own environment. Stemming from early childhood in Canada, my interest in nature and animals was piqued by transitioning to Shanghai's urban setting, as the lack of flora and fauna in the concrete jungle both challenged and inspired me to forage for interactions with the environment. Witnessing China's evolution in the passing years encouraged me to fortify my understanding of the implications of modern development through selecting courses such as Environmental Science and Social Entrepreneurship, which in turn prompted my involvement in school-sponsored service trips. This journey has exposed me to unique opportunities ranging from resource/waste management, human health concerns, pollution, and sustainable agriculture --- all within the heterogeneous mix of the urban and rural influences which constitute China's rapid-paced development.
As the issues I've encountered and wish to combat are as contemporary as my city, there is no other major more progressive and better suited to me in terms of real-life application and an interdisciplinary approach than the CALS Environmental Science & Sustainability major.
The accumulation of my experiences over the past four years has cemented my interest in sustainability by affording me the opportunity to directly apply my knowledge. On a rural scale, I've worked alongside a team of students in Yunnan province, digging pipeline in continuation of a decade long initiative to provide clean and sustainable sources of water for a local village. In Guizhou, I've been exposed to the fundamentals of landscape design through building water efficient rice terraces. On an economic scale, I've joined nomadic yak herders in Qinghai province, documenting the process of creating socially and environmentally sustainable yak down products for the knitwear company SHOKAY. Experiencing the inner workings of a social business from source to product, I expanded my knowledge on the environmental aspects of business such as cradle-to-cradle manufacturing/upcycling, and analyzed growing economic trends in slow fashion. Living with the families, I also explored the potential dangers of carbon monoxide poisoning when cooking indoors with yak manure.
On an urban scale, my interest in sustainability even wove its way into my internship experience at Shanghai's Four Seasons Hotel. Working in the industry's multiple departments prompted my research into environmental policy and resource and energy efficiency, which eventually formed the basis of my school TED talk, "The Future of Hospitality." On a personal scale, developing a collaborative coffee start-up business with my classmates in Social Entrepreneurship has helped define what sustainability means to me. Currently, we source beans from environmentally friendly farms in Southern China, eliminating intermediary distributors and heightening social sustainability in terms of fair wages for coffee farmers.
Through the integration of two previous majors, Cornell's newly designed ESS would bring value to my experiences by providing me with the core foundation necessary to develop a strong background in environmental science, as well as the flexibility to tailor my education in a specific direction of my choosing through concentrations such as Environmental Policy and Governance (EPG). Furthermore, with the opportunity to take classes such as BIOSM 1610: "Ecology and the Marine Environment" as well as AEM 1500: "An Introduction to the Economics of Environmental and Natural Resources", I would be able to both satisfy my interest in the underwater world and explore the possibilities of a career in environmental economics. The clubs at Cornell would also allow me to apply my learning outside the classroom; though the "Squirrel Watchers Club" may not strike my fancy, Cornell's Aquaculture and Multiponics Research Group certainly does. In all, the freedom of self-development from access to ESS integrated courses not only excites me, but ensures I would be prepared for a future in the environmental realm, whether it be in business or law, entrepreneurial or analytical. As the environmental issues of today wait for nobody, CALS pragmatic and integrative educational principles would allow me to jump headfirst into my studies. This is the way I've always wanted to learn: held captive by the beckoning need for change, and propelled by an education that will equip me to respond.
The essay is still around 30 words over the limit, so some cutting definitely needs to be done. However, any feedback would be greatly appreciated!!
Hey Duncan :-) I came up with an edited version of 476 words for you. I removed the parts that I felt were unnecessary and simply delivering information to the reviewer that were unnecessary to the paper at this point. My corrections are written in caps. This is meant more as a guide essay than the actual edit that you should use. Unless of course, you want to use this version already. In which case, feel free to do so :-)
Witnessing China's evolution OVER the passing years encouraged me to fortify my understanding of the implications of modern development BY selecting courses such as Environmental Science and Social Entrepreneurship, which in turn prompted my involvement in school-sponsored service trips.
which eventually formed the basis of my school TED talk, "The Future of Hospitality."
Through the integration of MY two previous majors, Cornell's newly designed ESS would bring value to my experiences by providing me with the core foundation necessary to develop a strong background in environmental science.
In all, the freedom of self-development from access to ESS integrated courses not only excites me, but ensures I would be prepared for a future in the environmental realm, whether it be in business or law, entrepreneurial or analytical. As the environmental issues of today wait for nobody, CALS .
Duncan, I first did a quick read of your essay and found a few sentences on the 3rd paragraph that can be deleted, this will help your word count and I also made sure that deleting this sentences will not affect the message that you'd like to send in your essay.
3rd paragraph
- The accumulation ofM y experiences
- over the past four years has cemented my interest in sustainability by affording me the opportunity toEnvironmental Science and directly apply my knowledge.
- Experiencing the inner workingsworks of a social business
This is just very minor suggestion Duncan, I believe that you have responded to the prompt properly, the only thing that you have to be careful of is writing with a direct translation of what you are thinking, you have to make sure that the sentences is ideal, focused on the goals of your essay and of course it should create a good flow and sentence structure.
Overall, it's a good essay and I wish you good luck.
