Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 2

Cornell CAS essay; enable me to try the impossible - dream of being a pharmacist


luv4evr 9 / 8  
Dec 24, 2008   #1
Hi, this is a part of Cornell CAS essay. the topic is "how would you utilize CAS program to further explore your interest/field of study?". Will you check for grammar('the' before plural -they never sound right, word choices, tense, etc.) and contents?

and please help me to make it shorter. Thank you!

I have dreamed of becoming a pharmacist or pharmaceutical researcher since my freshman year. The dream seemed like a perfect match with my propensity for chemistry. At the same time, I wanted to be someone who can help others around the world by providing others with proper medicines. I believe that I can achieve my dream by starting at Cornell College of Arts and Sciences. I have learned(is tense change ok?) that Cornell University has one of the best science programs in the nation with outstanding professors. Programs such as the Undergraduate Research and the honors courses, as well as the possibility of double majoring will(is tense change ok?) continuously motivate me to strive toward my goal. Through the research, I will learn to apply the abstract sciences to the real world, and through the honors courses, I will gain the knowledge that will become the fundamentals for my dream. The curricula and the experience at College of Arts and Sciences will expand my horizon and enable me to try the impossible and to achieve my dream.

oh, and is the ending a little weak?

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Dec 26, 2008   #2
I have dreamed of becoming a pharmacist or pharmaceutical researcher since my freshman year. The dream seemed like a perfect match with my propensity for chemistry. At the same time, I want to be someone who can help others around the world by providing them with proper medicines. I believe that I can achieve my dream by starting at Cornell College of Arts and Sciences.

Yes, the tense change is okay, especially if you start a new paragraph:

I have learned that Cornell University has one of the best science programs in the nation with outstanding professors. Programs such as the Undergraduate Research and the honors courses, as well as the possibility of double majoring will continuously motivate me to strive toward my goal. Through the research, I will learn to apply the abstract sciences to the real world, and through the honors courses, I will gain the knowledge that will become the fundamentals for my dream. The curricula and the experience at College of Arts and Sciences will expand my horizon and enable me to try the impossible and to achieve my dream.

Yes, that second tense change is okay, too. And for a stronger ending, say something profound and meaningful about how you will use this great education you are about to recieve. Then, go back and mention that same point at the END OF THE FIRST PARAGRAPH. That way, the end of each paragraph will emphasize the great use you have for your Cornell education.


Home / Undergraduate / Cornell CAS essay; enable me to try the impossible - dream of being a pharmacist