Hey! So this is my 328934th draft and I'm really nervous about it since it is for Cornell. Please suggest any way I could make it better. Promise I'll return the favor :) Thank you!
Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.
My interest in international relations began in the June of 2004, at the age of nine, when I moved to Khartoum, Sudan. My parents were friends with the Indian ambassador and I often heard them discussing the Darfur War over dinner. I did not understand the severity of the situation because it seemed ludicrous that a war was raging in the same country as I was in as expat life in Khartoum was not affected at all. I remember meeting a few members of the Indian Peace-Keeping Force which gave me a brief glimpse into the world of the United Nations as it attempted to bring about peace in the war-torn nation.
At the age of twelve, I was introduced to the Rwandan genocide through the movie "Hotel Rwanda". Until then, I had always viewed the United Nations as a group of world leaders who could eradicate all evil in countries around the world. The Rwandan genocide showed me otherwise. In the UN's attempt to keep its distance from the local fighting, almost a million Rwandans died. This led me to question the several factors that affected international reactions towards conflicts.
My interest in global affairs was nurtured as I matured and became more aware about the world around me. In World History complicated relationships between countries during the World Wars and the Cold War where I found myself analyzing and exploring the problems in communication between nations and possible causes for these global conflicts.
My interest in international relations led me to take part in Model United Nations and I attended The Hague International Model United Nations (THIMUN) where I was part of the legal committee in the General Assembly. Our topics included the responsibility of states for internationally wrongful acts, the scope and application of universal jurisdiction and the prevention of trans-boundary harm from hazardous activities, all of which were real issues from the UN. When the chair of my committee announced that the resolution my "country" had signed upon was to be sent to the UN, I couldn't help but feel I had in a way contributed to the world. This experience gave me further insight by increasing my awareness of international issues.
When the opportunity to join a seminar where students would discuss global affairs was presented to me, I immediately signed up. I spent seven months discussing disparities in wealth, conflicts over natural resources, human rights and several other current world affairs as they occurred. This seminar fuelled my passion for international relations as it made me realize that there was nothing I would rather be doing.
While studying government at Cornell, I plan to further my understanding of political science, specifically international relations. With courses dedicated to the causes of war, understanding the nature of politics, and the politics of energy and natural resources, studying at Cornell would help me expand my knowledge with the diversity and depth of the material taught.
Honestly, great work! I really like how you used many personal anecdotes and achievements to clearly define your interest and its development. The only qualm I have is that the role of Cornell seems rather generic. There isn't really much about anything specific to Cornell. Maybe you can include something that is particularly unique about the school that would complement your interest.
Hope this helps some. Good luck!
This is a well written essay, the grammar is fine but i feel like there should be more commas in certain areas. you may want to avoid starting each idea out as "My interest in..." and i agree with cukaracha that it isn't really Cornell, you may want to give the name of a specific course or what Cornell has over other programs briefly.
Other than that i think your essay is done, Good Job!
Ah thank you guys so much!
"...causes of war, understanding the nature of politics, and the politics of energy and natural resources..." are all courses that I researched in their course catalogue and so I mentioned those. Should I specify why I like these classes?
"...causes of war, understanding the nature of politics, and the politics of energy and natural resources..." i guess this is fine but i was thinking that you should include a name of one specific course and briefly relate it to your experience. what you have is good though.
If you could critique mine too that would be appreciated
Ohh, yeah my college counsellor said the same. Thank you for reminding me! I'll get right on it. Oh and I have responded to yours, good luck :)
