Cornell CAS essay - seemingly-divergent TV shows and interdepartmental learning

Please tell me if I should be more specific with what each show has taught me. Thanks in advance :)

Haikyuu & The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

What do The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and the Japanese volleyball anime Haikyuu have in common? Not much, I admit, though from them I have learned my most valued lessons. But it is precisely the unconventionality of this pair that represents my capacity to learn broadly from all that I experience. I will build upon my eclectic approach of pursuing knowledge at the College of Arts and Sciences, where multidisciplinary learning lies at the core of education.

I am drawn to the complexities and mentalities driving people's actions. When I watched Haikyuu, I was analyzing, almost instinctively, how the volleyball players dealt with losses, how past failures guided their approach to training and technique, and how I could assimilate their determination as my own inspiration. Likewise, I revered Jon Stewart's famed skill of exposing hypocrisy, and dug into his biographies to examine how his success and intelligence came about, how majoring in psychology and a difficult relationship with his father may have fueled his commentary. Dissecting these factors gave me the ability to understand and empathize with human behavior. Meanwhile, The Daily Showintroduced me to social issues like global feminism and human rights violations. I began to question the causes of corruption and violence beyond the effects of nurture. I wanted to explore human nature in the context of our most intrinsic, chromosomal compositions. I also wanted to study intellect from outside the brain's gray matter. How did life experiences alter rationale of our actions?

At CAS, I want to pursue both neuroscience and sociology. Together, they form a complete narrative of how human behavior is formed and influenced. In the Neurobiology and Behavior concentration, I can explore the origin of all thought and behavior through Molecular and Genetic Approaches to Neuroscience. The next level consists of the changes our nervous systems undergo as we come into contact with outside factors investigated in the Sociology major, such as discrimination or poverty. Courses like Gender and the Brain, Neural Views on Mental Illness, and Mass Incarceration and Family Life supplement each other in studying psychiatric disorders and the consequences of incarcerating the mentally ill. I plan on pursuing psychiatry in the future, and a strong biology background interwoven with humanistic understanding will shape me to be more insightful and perceptive as a doctor. Together, my passions are the links between science and humanity, and Cornell is the force that unites them in intricate, overlapping parallels.

The fact that all the courses above are crosslisted in other areas such as psychology, gender and sexuality studies, and American studies demonstrates Cornell's interdepartmental style of learning. Just as I acquired elements of two seemingly-divergent TV shows to become who I am today, I will drawn upon elements of many different programs at CAS to weave together a cohesive educational plan. This will challenge me intellectually on a level beyond simply learning the material; I will also envision and create a path for myself instead of relying on a pre-determined structure.

Throughout this journey, I can find support in my professors and fellow students. The mentorship program MEDSCI and the Biology Service Leaders will provide me with the advice of older students and pre-health resources. On the other hand, I can gain experience advocating for social issues by participating in service-learning trips with Alternative Breaks, and serve the Ithaca community with Into the Streets. Not only will I have incredible flexibility in my course of study, I'll also have boundless opportunities to apply classroom knowledge in affecting tangible change.

I want to be a part of a community where education is organic and heterogeneous, where the philosophy of "any person, any study" emanates from all settings, and where "learning unconventionally" becomes simply learning, period. With the immense resources at CAS, I will find many more Haikyuus and Daily Shows to cultivate my passions and lead me to new worlds.

Li, in order to properly analyze the content of your essay, I need to have a copy of the exact prompt that you are responding to. The essay that you have developed seems to be highly informative and does not leave any stone unturned when it comes to the discussion of what you learned from the shows. It is obvious that you have learned valuable lessons from the shows individually and collectively. The way that you relate the shows to your academic life is admirable. Yet somehow, I cannot be sure that all of these information will be enough to satisfy the expectations of the reviewer.

The question is if your written work is relevant to the prompt instructions and if the essay can be shortened in order to better represent your response to the prompt in the eyes of the reviewer? You might need to revise the content of your essay to better integrate the relevance of the shows with the academic specific requirements of the prompt. Again, it will be best to provide a copy of the full prompt so that a better assessment of your work can be conducted.

@Holt
Ahh I'm sorry I forgot to include the prompt. Here it is:
Describe two or three of your current intellectual interests and why they are exciting to you. Why will Cornell's College of Arts and Sciences be the right environment in which to pursue your interests? Limit: 650 words

Thanks for the reminder!

Li, after carefully reviewing your essay in reference to the prompt that you provided, I have come to the conclusion that the reference to the television shows, although interesting in approach, is not really a necessary part of the prompt requirements. In fact, it is not needed at all because the shows do now directly relate to the two or three current intellectual interests that you plan to pursue at Cornell. The central concentration of your response should have been on the method by which you will develop your interests while at Cornell.

I can see why you are excited by these courses even without the reference to the television programs. In essays that require academic formality, such as the one that this prompt provides, you need not add information about programs or totally unrelated information in the hopes of creating a mark in the mind of the reviewer. In fact, by referring to the programs in your opening statement, it almost felt like you were addressing a different prompt altogether.

As such, in the eyes of a reviewer, he would most likely not continue reading your essay because he will be convinced that you either did not understand the prompt requirement or you attached a response meant for a different prompt. So he isn't going to finish reading this paper then your response will have inadvertently negatively affected your application essay.

I suggest that you revise the paper to focus more on simply providing the necessary information and explanations so that you do not not waste the time of the reviewer nor misdirect him into thinking that you are offering the wrong response to the prompt provided.

@Holt: I can see now how the TV shows distract from my answer to the prompt. However, they are important in the point I make about Cornell's interdisciplinary learning, but I have edited my essay to make my interests more prominent. I'm going to add more about how I'll develop my interests at Cornell, through research and other programs, but for right now can you tell me if this new format is more focused?

At the College of Arts and Sciences, I want to pursue both neuroscience and sociology. I am drawn to the complexities and mentalities driving people's actions, and I am constantly analyzing factors influencing human behavior in all that I experience. Even when watching my favorite TV shows, I'm almost instinctively deciphering the characters' thought processes and corresponding actions. For example, in the Japanese volleyball anime Haikyuu, I examined how past defeats and emotional turmoil catalyzed the evolution of the players' training and technique. Likewise, I I revered Jon Stewart's famed skill of exposing hypocrisy on The Daily Show, and dug into his biographies to examine how his success and intelligence came about, how majoring in psychology and a difficult relationship with his father may have sharpened his commentary. Dissecting these factors gave me the ability to understand and empathize with human behavior. I wanted to explore human nature in the context of our most intrinsic, chromosomal compositions. I also wanted to study intellect from outside the brain's gray matter: How did life experiences alter the rationale of our actions?

[...]

Li, in all honesty, you must remove the reference to the television shows and Jon Stewart. There is no sense in including an explanation regarding those shows because they are not focused on the interdepartmental learning that will occur for you at Cornell. Your essay actually explains how this will be happening for you without that distraction. The inclusion of the television shows make your response trivial. Almost as if you are not taking the application seriously because you are opting to not focus on how Cornell will provide the right environment for you to learn about these 3 courses that excite you the most. Focus your response.

Respond only within the context provided to you by the prompt. Do not deviate from it, no matter how excited you are about those television shows. They do not relate in content to Cornell and the learning experience it offers. You are mistaken if you believe that it is important for you to create such a connection. Cornell just wants to hear about the 3 subjects you are interested in and the direct connection with the Cornell learning environment. You have shown a familiarity with the Cornell programs specifically. That is what is most important here. The television shows are not important at all.

However, if you insist on keeping the television shows reference because of a sense that it is of the utmost importance to a Cornell learning environment based discussion, then so be it. I can only guide you towards what the reviewer is sure to consider in your responses. In the end, this is still your paper so it is your voice, opinion, and approach to the discussion that makes you feel comfortable that matters the most.

I look forward to your next version of the paper which hopefully, will focus more on Cornell and (hopefully) lose the reference to the television shows that do not really relate to the Cornell experience.

@Holt
Thank you for all the advice so far. I'm just not sure if I should write a straightforward essay that may get lost in the reader's mind, or add some creativity to "make a mark," as you said. I'm not 100% confident in the rest of my application, especially my extracurriculars, so I feel like writing a more unique essay will make me stand out. Here's my revised version, at 641 words (limit is 650 words):

I am constantly analyzing the complexities and mentalities influencing human behavior. Even when watching TV, I'm subconsciously deciphering the characters' thought processes and corresponding actions. Dissecting these factors gave me the ability to understand and empathize with human behavior, as well as to critically assess and ameliorate my own choices in order to succeed. At the College of Arts and Sciences, I want to pursue both sociology and neuroscience. I want to study mental growth as a consequence of life experiences and explore human nature in the context of our most intrinsic, chromosomal compositions.

Together, neuroscience and sociology form a complete narrative of how human behavior is formed and influenced. In the Neurobiology and Behavior concentration with courses like "Molecular and Genetic Approaches to Neuroscience," I can explore the origin of all thought and behavior. In studying Sociology, I will continue analyzing human behavior on a wider scale and also take into account systematic, policy-based influences. I can study how stratification of opportunity based on race and class affects broad aspects of one's life, such as quality of education, and factors specific to the individual, like innate achievement motivation. How those outside factors change the makeup of our nervous system can be understood through studying synaptic plasticity in "Molecular, Cellular, and Integrative Neurophysiology." Courses like "Gender and the Brain," "Neural Views on Mental Illness", and "Mass Incarceration and Family Life" supplement each other in studying neurological bases and social stigma of psychiatric disorders, and the social and medical consequences of incarcerating the mentally ill.

Many of those courses are crosslisted in other areas such as psychology, gender and sexuality studies, and American studies, demonstrating Cornell's interdepartmental style of learning. I will draw upon elements of many different programs at CAS to weave together a cohesive educational plan. This will challenge me intellectually on a level beyond simply learning the material; I will also envision and create a path for myself instead of relying on a pre-determined structure. I plan on pursuing psychiatry in the future, and a strong biology background interwoven with humanistic understanding will shape me to be more insightful and perceptive as a doctor. Together, my passions are the links between science and humanity, and Cornell is the force that unites them in intricate, overlapping parallels.

This flexibility carries over to research as well. The Undergraduate Office of Biology's independent research option allows me to combine biological research with a topic and professor in any department. I can use biological data to infer about external effects on the human mind and body in a real-world setting, ensuring that my studies and conclusions are not restricted within an academic bubble. Likewise, summer research opportunities lead me from Boston to San Francisco to Cornell's own Weill Medical School. In the Social Dynamics Laboratory, Professor Michael Macy shares my interest in human behavior and interaction. I would like to join this lab's studies with human participants, and discuss with Professor Macy topics that stimulate intellectual inquiry in both of us.

Throughout this journey, I can find support in my friends and peers. The mentorship program MEDSCI and the Biology Service Leaders will provide me with the advice of older students and pre-health resources. I can advocate for social issues by participating in service-learning trips with Alternative Breaks, adding another dimension to my examination of society and human response. In addition to incredible versatility in my course of study to satisfy my curiosity and ambition, I'll also have boundless opportunities to apply classroom knowledge in affecting tangible change.

I want to be a part of ...

Angeli, always opt to write the straightforward essay whenever you have the chance. You see, the major mistake of the college applicants is that they put too much emphasis on the narrative of the essay, hoping that the essay will be creative enough to get them into their college of choice. That is simply not the case. The colleges and universities also consider your transcript of records, recommendation letters, and other pertinent information that is included as requirements in your application packet. The essays are only one of the considerations when selecting applicants. So make sure that your grades stand out most of all. The most creative and "popping" essays will be worthless if your grades and other supporting documents do not pass the admissions criteria of the university.

That is why you should let your application essay be as straightforward as possible. Your creative writing will not help unless you are asked to write a sample creative essay for admission to creative writing school. So keeping the discussion on point is more than appreciated by the reviewers. This current version of your essay is more than acceptable and accurately represents the prompt requirements already. So feel confident in the writing that you have done. This essay is as ready as it will ever be for submission.