College of Art and Science Can Help Me Succeed
I'm interested in mathematics and physics.
When I was young, I have a talent for mathematics. I could quickly worked out arithmetic problems at the age of four. I developed my interest in mathematics by reading various books about mathematics and solving advanced problems. In addition, I loved independently thinking about problems and creating innovative methods. Every time I succefully worked out a difficult problem, I felt excited and triumphant. I think my ambition to solve challenging problems makes mathematics exciting to me.
I was curious about physics when I began studying it. In class, I listened to my teacher carefully and often asked him questions. After class, I usually observed physical phenomena in my daily life and tried to use my knowledge to explain them. Also, I often did physics experiments, observe their phenomena and analyzed the experimental data. Moreover, I attempted to use my mathematical knowledge to understand some physics theories. I gradually developed my interest in physics. In my opinion, there's no doubt that physics experiments and theories make physics exciting to me.
As I know, Cornell is a research university, and College of Art and Science can gives me lots of opportunities to conduct scientific research. I can utilize unparalleled research facilities in the Laboratory of Atomic and Solid State Physics and the Laboratory of Elementary Particle Physics to research on my favorite fields: atomic physics and high-energy partical physics. In this way, I'm able to produce some insightful research papers. Additionally, with the excellent student to teacher ratios in upper level courses, I can share my creative ideas and opinions with my classmates and professors. Also, with the Double Majors program, I can study a double major in mathematics and physics. In my opinion, taking mathematics as my second major can help me learn physics better, especially theoretical physics. I firmly believe that College of Art and Science will help me realize my dream of becoming famous physicist.
To be honest, my main concern is that your essay has no structure. When you read it each paragraph sounds like an essay on its own. Connect them somehow and you must consider changing these repetitions.
And I just wanted to agree with you, to tell you you that it seems that you are forced to make everything sound like a resume in sentences, but I changed my mind. Here is a structure I would follow if I were given such a prompt: I would start my essay with an introduction that will be really catching my interest. That you do by telling something about you. It mustn't be very long and it will still describe your evolution. Your second para should then keep up the tension and lead to a really impressing conclusion. What I don't like about your last paragraph now is that you do not describe your progress you just explain to the Cornell admissions office what they offer for your education. Not that's wrong or anything, but I am sure they are already familiar with it. Instead of enlisting everything that is so fascinating about them you could briefly mention your interest in their school in a sentence and complete the conclusion by mentioning some of your future plans.
I know it sounds weird ..., but until we are replaced by robots we are emotional beings and trying to make an essay impressing by choosing a certain wording, by building suspense up will always work better than enlisting stumbely sentences.
But maybe you're right and you should get a second opinion, I just told you what I would do. :)
