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Cornell Engineering Essay--My City


politik 6 / 34  
Dec 18, 2009   #1
Prompt: Engineers turn ideas (technical, scientific, mathematical) into reality. Tell us about an engineering idea you have or your interest in engineering. Explain how Cornell Engineering can help you further explore this idea or interest.

"I hate this smell!!, says my mother as she comes into the house after a weary day at work. I just nod my head and keep on reading the newspaper. The smell she is talking about comes from the canal flowing beside our apartment. Now why would a canal smell bad? Well, that is because this is not a freshwater canal. It is an erstwhile tributary of a river called Musi in the city of Hyderabad. But with the passage of time, the Musi has become the unofficial sewerage network of Hyderabad. Many of its branches criss-cross the city, albeit no longer flowing and mostly filled with garbage, organic and inorganic wastes thrown by almost every house that is on its banks. Potentially hazardous wastes from the chemical industries in and around the city also land up here. The result? A river heaving with biological, physical and chemical pollutants which contaminate the underground water sources and cause health hazards to people. I want to apply what I learn in Engineering to arrest the pollution of this once-beautiful river and restore it to its former glory.

Coming from a family of social entrepreneurs, civic responsibility is something I learnt at a very young age. Hence I am particularly passionate about improving the living conditions of thousands of people in Hyderabad. The plan I have in mind incorporates the setup of an extensive network of underground drainages and strategic placement of sewage treatment plants. The sewage treatment plants will be constructed near water bodies into which the underground sewage is let out so as to reduce the amount of toxic material being released into them. Planning the new underground sewers and modifying the existing ones so that they are all connected to sewage treatment plants is the most important part, To accomplish this, I need to have knowledge of town planning and environmental science.

This is where Cornell can help me turn my idea into reality. At Cornell, I can major in Environmental Engineering and at the same time minor in Civil Infrastructure. I hope to gain the right kind of insights and work experience from Cornell's Co-op program so that I can prepare myself for real life problems and try out new and innovative ideas for time consuming tasks like the underground sewers.. Since I am also interested in researching alternate energy sources, I believe the Environmental Engineering degree from Cornell will provide the right foundation to delve deeper into research. I look forward to attending Cornell and inspire and equip myself to take up more projects that help social causes.

This is just a rough draft.Please give me any suggestions or opinions and the topic choice.Grammar mistakes and all are fine..I can do that later..
yang 2 / 313  
Dec 18, 2009   #2
Cornell's School Engineering has a highly flexible Engineering program

where do you show that the program is flexible? examples?

To get people to stop releasing the house waste into this network of streams would be a herculean task.

so do you want to fix the system, or the people?

It will take a lot of planning and time to execute this task.

you already mentioned this...don't sound too discouraged, that dampens your essay

If I intend to find solutions to all these problems, I must have knowledge of the environment,town planning and biology.

you're not very confident...
be more down the line of I want to solve this prob because... and Cornell will help me in achieving tehm because (and talk about the prog(s) you like)

I need to have studied more than one field

what fields?

overall, your tone is very...hesitant. you use a lot of "if" which makes you sound not determined.
Instead, say what you want to do, and why, and how Cornell will help you achieve. GO on their website and find specific programs. You've gotta say WHY CORNELL, not why engineering.
ore4thebetter 5 / 14  
Dec 18, 2009   #3
Wow...It is a good essay but since you are applying to Cornell which I am also applying to.It is a little bland. Grammar is near perfect but it does not evoke any strong feeling.Also, the essay is potraying you intrest in engineering is short termed; I mean you want to study engineeering to solve your community's problem. THEN WHAT?

I havent written this essy myself because I think its rather difficult but I think cornell wants to see passion for engineering and how CORNELL can help.
yang 2 / 313  
Dec 18, 2009   #4
I mean you want to study engineeering to solve your community's problem. THEN WHAT?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but i think that this question doesn't ask for your aspiration, simply an idea or an interest. Therefore, talking about the future, unless you really want to, is unecessary.

i'm applying to cornell 2 :D it's one of the easier ivies to get in i heard...so what major are you going for, Satya? engineering?

btw, is that how long your real name is? that must be a pain to bubble standard testing sheets right?
OP politik 6 / 34  
Dec 19, 2009   #5
you bet yang...in fact the collegeboard did not have enuf space for my full name...so...my name in the SAT reports appears as SthitaPrajna S Kandarpa...real pain i tell you..

Thanks for the comments guys...i just uloaded the first draft to see the initial reactions...i will have to do a lot of work i guess..anyway i am applying to either environmental or mechanical engineering..mostly environmental

hey yang...will u also check my common app personal essay and give your feedback...please
jacob5642 1 / 7  
Dec 22, 2009   #6
I like that you are direct with what you want to study: Environmental Engineering.

I also think that you can tighten your first paragraph, I am by no means an engineer, but it didn't seem necessary. If from an engineering perspective it is necessary then, by all means.
mmmargarita 10 / 79  
Dec 22, 2009   #7
Hence this idea to improve the living conditions of thousands of people in Hyderabad -> awkward sentence structure. Maybe, "Hence, I am particulary passionate about improving..."

This is where Cornell can help me turn my idea into reality. -> New paragraph to separate your ideas more

Since I am also interested in researching on alternate energy sources, I believe the Environmental Engineering degree from Cornell will provide the right basics to delve deeper into the same. -> I don't understand this sentence?

Cornell has a vibrant student life and rigorous academics which will help me develop in all aspects-Socially, Philosophically and Academically. -> This feels rather out of place. The social/philosophical thing comes out of nowhere. Your essay would be neater if you removed it.

Well, you certainly do answer the prompt! Could you maybe elaborate more on the actual solution to the problem? As for insight, it certainly shows that you care about the greater good and want to use your skills to benefit others.
OP politik 6 / 34  
Dec 22, 2009   #8
I don't understand this sentence?

I meant that I not only want to apply my knowledge to plan projects for people..I also want to do research..

Should I rremove the whole bit about 'Cornell has a vibrant...' or remove only the 'socialy and philosophically' part?
mmmargarita 10 / 79  
Dec 22, 2009   #9
I meant that I not only want to apply my knowledge to plan projects for people..I also want to do research..

Ahh I see. Okay, "the same" bit threw me off. Here's my suggestion:

Since I am also interested in researching on alternate energy sources, I believe the Environmental Engineering degree from Cornell will provide the right basics to delve deeper into the same. -> Since I am also interested in researching alternative energy sources, I believe that an Environmental Engineering degree from Cornell will provide a foundation for me to delve deeper into research.

Sorry, the research thing is a bit repetitive, but I hope this helped.
OP politik 6 / 34  
Dec 22, 2009   #10
Thanks...I will incorporate ur feedback...

Will you look at my other essay too??
rapoch 9 / 28  
Dec 24, 2009   #11
mmmargarita,

could you please take a look at my essay too? you are awesome!
NeoGeo 5 / 11  
Dec 24, 2009   #12
Your essay looked good, I agree with most of what the above posters say. Make those changes and you'll have a superb piece of writing.
OP politik 6 / 34  
Dec 26, 2009   #13
Help me people...PLEASE!!
colorfuloving 6 / 31  
Dec 27, 2009   #14
Hello!

Alrighty, for this essay, I like most if it - I just think you can afford to expand a bit more on the "Explain how Cornell Engineering can help you further explore this idea or interest" part. Maybe cite specific programs that Cornell has for aspiring engineers like yourself? I know you mentioned the Co-Op program, but if there are other things, you should try to mention them as well [:

Also, I think you need a conclusion sentence that really ties everything together nicely. Maybe one that relates back to the sewers in Hyderabad (my mom lived there for a while when she was younger! hehehe)? Like, hmmm...

"With my Cornell engineering experience, I know I'll be able to take that sewer and turn it into the great resource it has the potential to be."

Something like that xDD you know what I mean? (:


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