Would some one look at my Cornell supplement essay?
School of Industrial and Labor Relations:
Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. In your essay please address how the ILR curriculum will help you fulfill these interests and your long-term goals.
I have only answered the bold part of the question
Its my first draft so be completely honest.
thank you I appreciate any advice or help
Just like many Americans, I was caught by the wave of patriotism following September eleventh. After the attacks, I began seeing my country as the best country in the world. But one day I stopped to ask myself, "what made this country so great". I had not known my countries history other than the historical references made in pop culture. I gained an interest in watching the history channel and I did learn some important historical events however, I still did not see why the United States was so great. When I began my junior year, I was enthusiastic to take advanced placement United States history because I knew it would open up new topics in my country's history. Once I began learning about the gilded age, post civil war era, I was fascinated by how there was so much tension and disputes between the workers and the giant monopolistic companies. As well as how the negotiations between unions and managers leads to progress in the work force. The progress made with labor unions such as going from radical unions to progressive ones, such as Samuel Gompers American Federation of Labor really showed me how our country ahs progressed. During the same time I was taking this class, the 2008 presidential election was under way. I did my best to keep up with every bit of election news and all I would hear is about layoffs, jobs being shipped over sees, and the current economic crisis. I saw a clear connection; the work force is directly related to the growth of our nation. A stronger work force leads to economic progress and with the economic progress, our country gains international power. The progress made during the gilded age allowed the United States to grow as an economic giant and now we need that economic progress during the current economic crisis.
Idid not know much about my country's history other than the historical references made in pop culture. I BECAME INTERESTED IN IT THROUGH watching the history channel and I did learn some important historical events. However, I still did not see WHAT MADE the United States so great.
Good work though :) Looking forward to reading the complete essay