My essay seems quite off but I'm willing to seek critiquing on my essay I'll really appreciate it
Prompt: list your interests and their evolution and how they're exciting to you. Explain how can Cornell School of Arts and Science influence your interest.
Math Like Kindergarten
The sobriety of the room eliminated even the most minute sounds. Testing day was a day of reckoning, a means not taken very lightly. Students are seized captive by the army of computations and submissive to the prowess of complex equations. Contented in isolation, I was in my own setting, a world of imagination. As the black ink from my staples pen rushed across the paper, the sequential appearance of numbers came to me as a nostalgia. Quadratic equations and arithmetic were my action figures I longed to play with in my idle time.
Years back in my early days, days of infantile luxury and colorful academics, school was my playground. In my conventional youth, I was caught in the midst of kiddy adventures and my indulgence of merriment. World Wrestling Federation collectables and the dinosaur models were my closest companions in Mrs. Williams class. I never enjoyed school and my reclusive nature dwindled my social fitting. I couldn't adapt to the social standards of kindergarten. At times of isolation, I grew fond of a new setting I was presented to, the vast world of my imagination I was sucked into.
My abduction to this alien land, land of the unknown, the cradle of a distinct language, was the zenith of my newfound philosophy.
Mathematics grew as a second language to me. As Mrs. Williams taught her first lesson of counting numbers, I grew fond of this new vicinity. I began to consume the culture and the dogma of what I called " the number world". I spoke and read English but it didn't trigger my level of enthusiasm as Math was able to do. Math was able to connect me to diversity in which my eyes surveyed every aspect of meaning. The manifestation of beauty this world presented was something far from the ordinary. Learning the ways of adding, subtracting, and counting were like my play toys. I wanted those toys everyday just like my longed satisfaction for the New Power Ranger collectibles in Toys R Us in Downtown Brooklyn. These new toys didn't have an expense that undermined my mother's financial willingness to buying my never-ending desires. It was easily accessed through the willingness of learning and my accrued wisdom furthered my learning into the depths of my child imagination. The mathematical world enthralled my thirst for knowledge and leveled my creativity of critical thinking.
Surveying the directory of the Cornell website, my eyes were stagnated by the brief excerpt on the School of Arts and Sciences. The School instills on the elements of critical thinking applied to every aspect of learning. Indeed I am a thinking person, a imaginative one. I see numbers as an art, a work of mere perfection which transcended elements of basic conceptions. There is advanced math that explained depths of simple constructed wisdom. I knew this particular institution sparked the interest that was appropriate in the world I lived in. I saw this new school as new playground for learning. I enjoyed using constructive thinking in all the attributes of my "imagination", an emphasis that helped me understand the world constructively. I soon aspire my pursuit in this institution in the means to expand my wealth of learning in a more critical and broader perspective than the common world. As the common world is like seeing math problems hesitantly without sufficient speculation, I crave on gaining a new collectibles of toys in my Mathematical play se
hey I like it!
I've applied to cornell too and I think yours is good.
Pretty wild imagination you have!
I think you should focus a bit on why you chose cornell and may be lash down some of your flowery language. As much as it makes a good read, it may mislead some into thinking you get rather dramatic too easily.
Keep up the good work!!
hope you get in!
I think you have some great stuff here, though it's rough. One thing stood out to me at first read:
"Surveying the directory of the Cornell website, my eyes were stagnated by the brief excerpt on the School of Arts and Sciences."
I wouldn't use the word "stagnate" in this context, as it implies standing still, a lack of growth. Stagnation is a precursor to rot. It's probably the opposite of the image you want to convey. You might want to say that your eyes "grabbed" the excerpt, or maybe that you "devoured" it or "became immersed" in it or something. You could emphasize your theme, perhaps, by saying your eyes "played over" it.
One more thing, maybe:
"I enjoyed using constructive thinking in all the attributes of my 'imagination'..."
You enjoy it still, right? Make it present tense. Also, lose the quotation marks around "imagination". The way you use them appears to belittle the concept.
Ugh, I keep rereading and coming back with things I think might help you. (There's so much potential here!) One last thing:
Since this is an admissions essay, you are trying to sell yourself. I am not sure there is a benefit to you to put the emphasis you do on isolation and being a reclusive, even if it was one of the deciding factors in your immersion in mathematics. It would make an interesting point to explore should it be a memoir, for example, but in this forum it might count against you. I would probably clear-cut those references out and concentrate on the joy you derive from math as a selling point.
I hope these criticisms help you. I can see by reading your essay that you have a fascinating mind. Good luck!
