Correlations between different fields; Issues of Importance to me

This is my transfer essay.
They want me to write "issue of importance to me"
please be critique.
Than you!!

Most people obtain correlations between different fields by searching for their similarities. However, associating features seem irrelevant sometime leads to innovation. Steve Jobs, the former CEO of Apple Int., took art courses just for entertaining while they delivered an inspiration of the new design for the next level of (novel/coming version) Mac OX system several years later. Such a fantastic invention might not exist if he did not integrate the irrelevances. To pay attention on domains that are unrelated to each other is important and necessary.

The persistency on acquiring French led a similar experience to me. I studied French for the incredible process delighted me when letters turn from meaningless to meaningful. As a result of being attracted by the euphonious French pronunciation, I could not even help enouncing English words in the French way sometimes. However, I could barely feel the sense of French influence both in China and in the United States. In other word, French was simply an entertainment to me.

Yet, comprehending French provided me the direction of my future career path. The possibility to go to graduate schools in France guided me to regard luxury brand management as my life-long career. I never thought French would contribute to establish the relation between my interests on fashion and my future career. Knowing French led an opportunity to explore my future in France. Field that was merely an amusement had become a trail of depicting my coming path.

Both Stories from Steve Job and my personal experience manifest the significance of regarding the irrelevances. Two years in the United States have taught me to show solicitude for diverse fields even they do not share any concordances. Prospecting subjects that are not connected is not squander of time. On the contrast, they often lead me to a brand new aspect of pondering affairs.

Well... I have a concern over your issue. For me, it really doesn't look like an issue, rather it does not seem to be a strong issue :(

I believe it is better you talk about some issue that impacts your immediate life because the colleges attempt to learn about you through your essay. So make sure to focus on an issue that will actually teach them something about you. In this I don't find that you come up with the importance of this issue to you; this is what they expect you to tell them.

I see you can write very well and wish you pay a little attention to what I suggested. :)

I really love your essay; I thought it answered the question well. I like the fact how you relate it to other people succeed stories. What I think need improvement is the transition of the sentence. I find it hard reading your essay, so just get a better flow/transition then you will be good to go :)