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Any costume i like---Brandeis Supplement

maroon5 9 / 57  
Dec 10, 2011   #1
Okay guys, this is my Brandeis supplement...The prompt is: Imagine You Are To Wear A Costume For An Entire Year

I have a compulsive need to make people laugh. Therefore, if I were to dress in any costume, the most logical choice would be that of a clown's. Now I say "logical" because, sadly, I have a massive phobia of clowns; I can't even approach one with my request for a balloon animal, let alone dress up as one. Well, with my dreams of being a clown and spreading laughter shattered, I guess I will devote my time to vanquishing evil then. And who better to do that as than Batman? I can picture myself now, perched on the rooftops of Gotham City and looking incredibly awesome with my cape fluttering behind me in the wind. The Batsuit and I would really be a match made in heaven if I could just keep myself from casting my mind back to how hot it would get inside this latex-bound prison. I am pretty sure I would spend less time fighting crime and more of it fighting back the urge to scratch myself.

Having contemplated a plethora of choices, ranging from Winnie the Pooh to Barbie, I have come to the realization that, at the moment, I just cannot decide upon any one costume. The problem, I now understand, isn't inherent in any of the costumes themselves; I am simply unable to envision a future where I have to don the same outfit day in, day out. Although many would dismiss it as evidence of my capricious nature, I consider it a blessing that I haven't ever warmed to the idea of confining myself to just one pursuit, and thereby allowed myself to miss out upon the amazing path of self-discovery that I am now treading. As clichéd as it may sound, I love to wake up every morning knowing that I might learn something new about myself, revel in a passion that had been hitherto unknown. Of course, it could be all that, or just the fact that I am a huge claustrophobe.

I was just having fun in the first paragraph but i hope that the second paragraph shows a bit of introspection and insight into my character....Do you guys think it's too frivolous or does my message come across well enough in the end??? I would appreciate any help and i wud be happy to look over your work...THANKS A LOT
Prettywings 1 / 74  
Dec 10, 2011   #2
I think you have an excellent essay and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I appreciate how you say in your essay that you are unable to decide upon any one particular costume, and used this as a metaphor to symbolize "your path of self-discovery". I'm sure you'll do well.
kerlik 1 / 4  
Dec 10, 2011   #3
I love the idea of essay! I think u should work for the body. As for me it seems to end so fast. But anyway great!
kenyaboyfresh 7 / 17  
Dec 10, 2011   #4
I really like your essay, only one thing.
blue=my thoughts

I am pretty sure I would spend less time fighting crime and more timeI just think "of it" sounds weird and it'd just be better to say "time" it might just be me fighting back the urge to scratch myself.

Please look at my extracurricular essay
Gjidodaj 1 / 2  
Dec 11, 2011   #5
Really good! It was fun and I found a few grammatical errors but nothing major. I found that reading essays backwards (I know, I know it's weird) helps with errors because it helps you focus on the words individually so for instance if you spelt something wrong or whatever, you'll notice it more than if you read it normally. And yes your message does come across in the end.
collegecat 2 / 19  
Dec 14, 2011   #6
I love how you took the prompt, and used it to tell the admission officers something about you that goes further than 'I want to be Batman, because...'. Great essay!

Could you have a look at my essay?
leviator 7 / 39  
Dec 14, 2011   #7
I really liked your essay. Maybe you could provide a little hint of your versatile personality in the first para a little more directly, only slightly. And that's not even a necessity, just an idea.

Otherwise I think it's really good just the way it is. Good luck!

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