I can't think of anything worse than being stuck in something that is hard to move in and makes me overheat all the time
shouldn't it be overheated?
There are many ways in which being a Jedi warrior for a year would be awesome.
Try 'reasons' instead of ways. Ways seems like a wrong choice of word here. SO try to edit accordingly after that.
Wearing a Jedi costume interferes
with very little with my current day-to-day schedule
Also you've used "Epic light saber battles" twice in the essay. It seems to spoil the flow, edit that if possible :)
I'd be able to continue my conditioning training just fine.
Conditioning Training? Does this have a connotation for a daily activity? Or is it an esoteric Star Wars term? Help me here. :/ This seems vague.
I like your Jedi costume idea. But please don't mind me if I give you some constructive criticism.
Your essay starts with great promise. I feel almost compelled to read it further. So a plus there!! :)
As I progress and you mention your choice of costume - A Jedi's disguise, I feel more intrigued. However, as I read on about the reasons behind picking this costume, I feel a bit let down because it fails to satisfy me on a more than just shallow point of view. Do you get what I mean? I don't get to hear your voice much, or your inner thoughts and your dilemmas or inner conflicts.
The way to go about this is trying to put in more reasoning to your choice behind your Jedi costume. Its hidden/deeper implications on your daily life more than the obvious ones. More of your insight, and though process while wearing the costume. And then also incorporate the fun elements of your costume. It would truly make your essay a very strong piece of writing.
Now, to me this essay seems like it has a lot of potential and promise, but fails to deliver as much. These are just my suggestions, you're not obliged to follow them through please! :)
Good job and Good luck!!!!
I would really be grateful if you commented on BOTH
my threads if possible. I could really use help reviewing my essays.