this was really difficult to do without sounding like I was obnoxiously complaining the entire time. I'm still very iffy about the ending. Can anyone give me any feedback?
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below. Limit 350 words.
What images or concepts are most likely to come up in one's mind when thinking of a typical summer job at a children's day camp?
Responsibility. Reward. Long bus rides, headaches, frequent trips to Six Flags, maybe.
This was what the C.A.C.A.J. (Council of Aid for Central Asian Jews) day camp had come to mean for me last summer, but there was also something else I had learned from my hours spent there. Something perhaps more crucial.
I came into contact with a myriad of small, sticky hands and youthful pleading voices in those six weeks, in the cafeteria and out under the dappled sunlight in the park. At first, the concept of supervising a dozen or so children was not completely new to me - I thought the prior knowledge I had acquired from my past job would be more than enough.
Being randomly assigned (through the program I was in) to work in a camp catering only to Russian Jewish children and their families came to evolve into a challenge. Considering the fact that I had no Russian or Jewish background, I ended up as a bit of a misfit for the summer, in a building full of people who were all somehow related. Maybe not always blood related, but they were tied culturally. They were tied socially. The children around me constantly gabbled to each other in Russian, and I often tripped over myself in attempts to understand their jokes, traditions, and language, trying to quickly assimilate into a culture that I could not claim to be a part of, while they lightly brushed me off.
This slowly growing isolation somehow taught me why safe spaces are essential. I came to realizations that clashed with my behavior throughout high school, the behavior that made me believe I must always swim against the current in any situation.
It was then that I learned a craving for approval is completely normal. Though typically shunned, this want of acceptance can lead to motivation, which I believe can eventually lead to accomplishment.
Diana, I am not sure why you are discussing isolation at the end of your essay when the lesson that I came away with from reading your essay had more to do with the importance of having family that one can connect to in order to survive in a world far different from what they are used to. While I can understand why you would feel isolated in the place, the description and early discussion of your essay did not build towards that conclusion or discussion in your statement.
When you mention safe spaces, why don't you related it instead to the lessons that you learned from these Russian Jewish families that are most likely seeking refuge from persecution in their homeland? Talk about how isolation affected them and why you came to learn the importance of safe spaces in relation to their situation. With America on the brink of accepting Syrian immigrants, discussing the lessons that you learned from that interaction just might work to your benefit in this instance.
Try to deliver a positive lesson that you could have gleaned from the experience. Right now, the lesson you are discussing seems to be coming from a negative place. Your conclusion also needs to be clarified. What is the connection of your behavior in high school to this experience?
