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Each country has taught me things - UC Prompt 2 Three Cultures


thagg 2 / 4  
Nov 25, 2008   #1
Hello,
Thank you Gloria for helping me with my first prompt, can you also read this and tell me what I need to improve on??

Prompt 2
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Being exposed to different cultures changes a person's view of the world and its inhabitants. I have had the opportunity to experience life in India; a country rich in culture and tradition, in the Philippines; a country consisting of hundreds of islands, and in the United States of America; a country that gives everyone the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. My experiences in each of these countries have a hand in creating the person I am today. Due to the exposure of cultures in different parts of the world, I developed a mentality that accepted even the most unusual of things. The love for my Punjabi culture and religion also grew.

Each country has taught me things that I have cherished till now. I began studying in the Philippines at the age of five, so I did not recall a lot of memories. A visit to the Philippines two years ago refreshed those memories. I had forgotten the Filipino culture, a culture that has blended well in our Punjabi family. I experienced my first years of education there, and have not forgotten the fundamentals my teachers taught me.

In Punjab, I saw how the farmers took pride in what they do and since then I have taken pride in everything I do, whether it is a small project in ceramics or something crucial like this personal statement. I started to take an interest in my own religion, Sikhism. My increased interest in Sikhism led me to do volunteer work in the Hayward Sikh Temple. I had the opportunity of studying at Colonel Brown Cambridge School, a boarding school in Dehradun, India, with students from all over India, and I made the most out of it. I began to appreciate the diversity and clearly saw the differences in each of the cultures. Instead of holding on to my own culture, I opened my mind sorting all the information according to the differences and similarities of each culture. After spending a few years in India I came back to the West with more knowledge of the East.

Living in these countries made me who I am today. It was hard for me to make friends each time I moved, but the friends I made will always have a place in my heart. I consider myself lucky-I have been exposed to many different cultures and religions from three totally different parts of the world. I can proudly call myself an Indian born in the Philippines with a United States citizenship.

Thanks
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Nov 25, 2008   #2
Good evening :)

Mechanically, make sure you are placing commas after each item in your list. For example, "...life, liberty, and the..."

In regards to content, I think this is a great answer to the prompt. You explain the experience, why it makes you proud, and how it has changed you. It is organized well, is fluid, and is easy to read. Great job!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
OP thagg 2 / 4  
Nov 26, 2008   #3
For some reason i had the feeling that i didnt answer the question.
Thanks a lot Gloria


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