This is my first shot at the CMC essay. I'm not sure how I should end it or if writing it as a letter is a good idea so let me know what you think.
Prompt: Leadership is a constant theme and emphasis at CMC. In fact, one of the ways we describe CMC students is "Leaders in the Making." Choose someone, fictional or nonfictional, historical or contemporary, whom you consider to be a leader. Suppose you are this person's primary advisor. How would you advise this person and why?
In 2010, the Courrpution Perception Index ranked Italy the fourth most corrupt country in the European Union. Hopefully Berlusconi's recent step down from office will help turn around this country's increasingly corrupt government and unstable economy, but I think that Italy's educational system will need more reform than almost any other part of the government. In November 2011 the Italian government selected a new Minister of Education, Francesco Profumo, and I have more than a few suggestions as to how he can make the Italian school experience less miserable.
Dear Francesco Profumo:
Last year I studied abroad in southern Italy and I had the opportunity to experience an Italian education firsthand. When my host mom drove me to school on my first day, she pointed out a run-down structure next to the school with two walls and no roof. She told me that it was supposed to be a new gym for the school, but they ran out of funding half way through building it and never finished. She said government officials pocketed a lot the money that was supposed to go to schools because they knew nobody could do anything about it. This perception needs to be changed. Italian citizens need to realize that they have to stand up to these government discrepencies if they ever want anything to change. You are the new leader and the new voice that Italy needs to stand up against this injustice and put the educational system back on its feet.
The educational system is outdated. We are in an era where religion shouldn't be required as a mandatory school subject. These aren't the days of Musselini anymore, and you can't expect all of your students to share the same, Roman Catholic beliefs. What kind of education are you giving by requiring that religion is taught but banning the mere mention of politics? The youth needs to be educated in current events and know what is going on in their own country so that they can grow up and make a real difference. If you continue teaching only from the textbooks, Italy will never get out of this rut of corruption and instability. You teach your students to be proud of their roots and of the great Roman Empire that once ruled the world, yet you continue to let them fall behind due to the lack of funding and the outdatedness of the educational system.
In 2008, Berlusconi tried to deal with the global recession by making heavy cuts in funding to public schools and universities. You need to fight to get that funding back. Public schools, in the south particularly, are run down and lacking overall in resources and staff. I attended a Liceo Scientifico, which is supposedely one of the best types of secondary schools and focuses on math and sciences, yet my school was lacking the resources to teach both of those subjects. We had no lab equiptment, so rather than doing experiments in chemistry we looked at pictures of experiments or were told to look up lab videos at home. The blackboard in my classroom was broken in half, so our math teacher usually printed off copies of the notes because she didn't have enough room to write them on the board. It's wrong that the best students choose to attend these scientific schools that are supposed to prepare them for their exams and for University, yet many of them don't pass their final exams because they weren't prepared well enough and their teachers didn't go over all of the necessary information.
Mariastella Gelmini was the Minister of Education for the last three years, and things only went downhill in the education department. It's time for a change. Italy's future depends on its youth, and without a good education they won't be able to accomplish much of anything. The schools need funding, and in order to get funding someone needs to step up and lead the people to fight for what they deserve.
you continue to let them fall behind due to the lack of funding and an outadated educational system.
The youth needs to be educated in current events and know what is going on in their own country so that they can grow up and make a real difference. Delete and make into 2 sentences.
Just a few things I found. It's a great essay though, it really shows your passion for reforming Italy's education system.
First> These aren't the days of Musselini anymore, and you can't expect all of your students to share the same, Roman Catholic beliefs.
Please do reserve your criticism. Comparing Musselini to the newly elected Minister is a bit too outrageous. Even though the current performance of education is really poor, the new Minister is not the only one to blame.
Second> What kind of education are you giving by requiring that religion is taught but banning the mere mention of politics?
Remember your job is to give advice, not to shout at the Minister... Do you not fear being dismissed by him? Just joking.. But you can think of yourself as making suggestions to your friends. Notify the mistakes, then make constructive advice. Your goal is to help them achieve higher, not to humiliate them to death, right?
Third> Your examples contain too many complaints and too few good suggestions, which makes the reading depressing and not so.. eh.. you know.. enlightening. So I think you can try rewording some of your sentences and deleting large parts of your description of the dissatisfactory situations. Instead, think deeper about how these situations can be changed within the Minister's power.
Best of luck! BTW, I am also applying for CMC^^