PROMPT: Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate--and us--know you better.
OK So I have tried to write this about 20 times-and here is what I ended up with - feel free to rip it to shreds or even just say I should start over :) I won't be offended and I will help in return
Hey roomie!
I'm so excited that we are going to be at Stanford in less than a year!!! Believe me, my family and friends are just as relieved since I constantly reminded them of my desire to get into this school. Well, if you have always wanted an open-minded, deep-thinking, and somewhat quirky, cowgirl as a roommate-I'm pleased to inform you that your wish has been granted!
Until we meet in person, I think that the best way to describe my personality is a pair of boots. At first, I may seem like an average person, a boring boot unfit for the "diversity" Stanford strives to obtain, but I believe diversity goes beyond the components of upbringing and appearance. I have always been drawn to cowboy boots, especially the ones with intricate designs on the top half. In a way, they reflect my own personality-part country, supportive, ready for hard work, and suddenly, they show a burst of unexpected artistic flare.
I am excited to learn about your culture and step into your shoes (no pun intended) while we enjoy our "college experience" together. I am also interested in learning about your perspectives on anything from music to politics, and I hope you are willing to participate in any random philosophical debates that cross my mind, as well. I can't wait to meet you!
Sincerely, Your future best friend, Alexis
P.S. I hope you like country music... but I'm willing to negotiate when we play music in our room
...I'm having trouble making this fit together, sound good, and still be 250 words...
Pretty good overall. I think you can take out the "no pun intended part" and omit the P.S. part. Other than that it was pretty good. I answered that same question :)
Thank you for the critiques- this prompt is difficult for me - I have been torn between creating an eloquent piece of writing and actually addressing a potential roommate in a realistic way- no offense taken by "harsh" critiques :) -- and looking back at this, I guess I come off as a bubbly hick... which was not my intention.
At first, I may seem like an average person, a boring boot unfit for the "diversity" Stanford strives to obtain ( hmm you talk about the boot being unfit for stanford. I suggest comparing a boot to something that relates to the boot, you know? ) , but I believe diversity goes beyond the components of upbringing and appearance, and into the way a person thinks.
I am excited to learn about your culture-and hopefully become your friend( you go from talking about boots to learning about culture, try to make it flow better)-while we enjoy our "college experience" together.
Sincerely, Alexis
Overall I think your comparison to the boot was very interesting and well-written. I just feel that you didn't talk about the boot's symbolism as much. Just what I think :)
Can you read my Cornell essay?
thanks - and unfortunately not from the south :( - I'm a california girl that goes to school literally on a beach - i have just shown cows through FFA / 4H for over 9 years - and I'm trying to play it up as a "cowgirl" since thats the only "unique"/ "diverse" quality I think can help me stand out
i will check out your essay now
but i do love country music, ride horses, raise cattle, etc. i'm just not a live-off-the-land farm girl from the south
IS THIS BETTER OR WORSE? :::
i think you can expand on the artistic flare slightly, its just kinda naked there. whats artistic about you? maybe you could make a collage with the roommate or decorate the dorm together or something lol. its just a suggestion but i think it makes room for some personality and creativity in the essay.
other than that, i really liked it
my problem is 250 word limit and this is exactly 250 words -- so anything that is added needs the same amount removed
I am very affable and extremely respectful, so you will never have to worry about me snooping through personal belongings.
i think mentioning even the possibility of ^ happening is a no no
Since I am an only child,
abrupt transition
overall i really like the cowboy boots metaphor.
***thanks for editing my essay :)
At first, I may seem like an average person, a boring boot unfit for the "diversity" Stanford strives ...
Since I am an only child, I have never shared a room before (except at camp); however, I am very affable and extremely respectful, so you will never have to worry about me snooping through personal belongings. I'mand am excited to learn about your culture-and hopefully become your friend-while we enjoy our "college experience" together, and I hope ...
Just things you can take out, I feel like though your essay is supposed to focus on the boot, it doesn't do it as well as it should. It's almost as if your personality comes first and then the boot is an afterthought, if you were trying to go for that unique essay using some obscure thing to describe you it needs to be more impactful.
I hope I meet a lot of people there that are on this website- I keep reading about dif ppl and its exciting to see others are just as excited to learn as I am. At my school, when I say "I love school" - its like I'm making a joke. I can't wait for college- and to be surrounded by people who actually WANT to be there!! This is by far, the hardest prompt. Good luck to you too and thanks for the imput !!! HERE IS MY FINAL DRAFT:
So true, same thing applies to my current high school too. I want to be in an environment that is filled with intellectual conversation as well as all the fresh new college excitement. It's really exciting to see people like you are applying to Stanford, that really tells me a lot about the people who are going to end up there, So good luck to you!
I dont think there's much i can add to this, i think it was a great essay, and those above me gave some pretty good advice.. good luck! hope to see you at stanford
