Option #4: Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?
"Thanks for ruining my life." It's hard to believe that I muttered those very words to my father three years ago when he decided to enroll me as a boarding student at Cranbrook Kingswood High School. Having to leave my friends was only the beginning of the things that crossed my mind. Fear of showering in a public place daily, social rejection, and underachievement soon engulfed my imagination as my freshmen year approached. But that was three years ago. During these past three years at Cranbrook I made friends, became overwhelmed with large amounts of schoolwork, engaged in sports, and started to grow as an adult; typical high school experience right there. However, Cranbrook has provided me with a truly unique high school experience. It has given me a sense of genuine community that I could never have found at any other high school. I know that that the friendships and bonds that I have made at Cranbrook will be with me for a lifetime. Whenever I enter the Cranbrook Kingswood campus, I feel welcomed by the loving community consisting of teachers, students, and dorm advisors. This content feeling is one that helps push me to do my best, and always aim high in life.
Prior to this I had never lived away from home for more than a week in my life. At first, I would constantly long to be home and avoid everyone that came near me. I kept to myself for the first couple of weeks and started to become depressed, as everything around me seemed to be an aura of darkness. Over the past years here, I have gradually grown a strong connection to this place and the people it holds. I can practically call my boarder friends "brothers." From our freshmen year onward, we have grown an inseparable bond. We all go through the ups and downs together, never leaving someone on their own. When two tragic deaths occurred during my freshmen and junior years, everybody in this community came together and created a bond so strong that nothing could break it. This brought warmth to my heart, as I knew right there that wherever I was, I would always have support and protection from this loving community. I had friends in my old school, but I never had a strong bond with them as I do with my friends at Cranbrook. The same applies to the teachers. I never got to know any of my old teachers personally, but I have become friends on a personal level with most of them at Cranbrook.
These strong connections make me smile every time I walk through the campus. It is just like walking through my house - always feeling welcomed and loved. The support and love from my friends and teachers helped to push me forward and allowed for me to succeed during my time here, and ultimately grow as a person. It is this community that has transformed me from a shy and naïve freshmen into an extrovert and confident senior. This community is so meaningful to me in the sense that it has given me the education, strength, and other essential tools to tackle all challenges my future holds for me.
This is my essay for the common app. Please give me all the criticism in the world. I really need this essay to be stellar. Thanks in advance
" During these past three years at Cranbrook I made friends, became overwhelmed with large amounts of schoolwork, engaged in sports, and started to grow as an adult; typical high school experience right there. However, Cranbrook has provided me with a truly unique high school experience."
-You contradict yourself here, perhaps leave out the part about being typical because you are trying to show the "unique" quality of your school not the stereotypical side...
comment back on mine :-)!
